Ever felt like your body is speaking a language you just can’t decipher? What if those whispers you’ve been ignoring are the keys to unlocking your truest self? Join me, Nathan Maingard, in a journey that’s not just about overcoming struggles, but about discovering how our deepest vulnerabilities can be our most profound guides.
In this episode, I open up about my struggles with so-called erectile dysfunction and the deep shame and insecurity it brought. This personal story is a gateway to understanding broader experiences of bodily disconnect and the profound messages our bodies try to communicate.
In this episode:
- insights from a transformative silent meditation retreat
- how personal struggles can reshape our views
- how pivotal encounters can lead to deeper spiritual connections and self-discovery.
- explore the concept of your body as an antenna, tuned directly to the Source, guiding you to depths and heights beyond imagination.
- and more…
This episode is more than a personal tale; it’s an invitation to reconnect with your own body’s wisdom and embrace your journey towards authenticity and spiritual enlightenment.
Ready to reconnect with your wise body? Tune in now to embark on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Let’s rediscover our true selves, together.
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Links and Poetry:
- BOOK: The Subject Tonight Is Love (affiliate link)
- Link to the poem, Because of Our Wisdom (it doesn’t show up well in shownotes, turns out)
[00:00:00] Nathan Maingard: Have you ever felt trapped in a body that seems to speak a language you just can't understand? Imagine if those very whispers you've been ignoring where the keys to unlock your truest self. In today's podcast episode, we're not just talking about overcoming struggles. We're diving into how our deepest vulnerabilities can be our greatest guides. If you've ever felt alone in your quest for authenticity, stay with me. We're about to explore how embracing our body's wisdom can lead us, not just to healing, but to a profound reconnection, with the essence of who we truly are.
[00:00:44] Welcome back to we are already free, the podcast where we break free from the normal box and embrace our true selves. I'm Nathan Maingard, guiding you through stories of awakening, healing, and authenticity. Each episode, we dive into the [00:01:00] challenges and triumphs of living a life true to ourselves from navigating healing and sexuality, to finding joy and self-acceptance beyond societal limitations. Here we explore personal growth, spiritual enlightenment, and the courage to be proudly weird. Join us as we journey towards liberation and true authenticity. And please remember we are already free.
[00:01:25] Before we dive into this solo episode, dear listener. Do you ever feel disconnected from your body's true messages? Like you're missing that hidden wisdom that's just waiting to guide you. If so you're not alone. Many of us ignore those signals, leading to a life less authentic, less joyful. But what if there was a way to tune in and transform? Discover how with my free five day morning practice challenge, visit already free.me/yes.
[00:02:04] Okay. So I'm going to get really personal here. And I know you, if you're listening to this, you you're with me on this and it's okay. But I'm just going to dive right in and say that at one time in my life, I really struggled with what we've called or what society has called erectile dysfunction. Not a really fun thing to share, not a really fun thing to experience for anyone who's been through it.
[00:02:24] It sucks. It. Uh, at least for me, a lot of shame came with it. A lot of not enoughness, it really tapped into my sense of insecurity. And if you're a woman listening to this, I imagine it might be kind of similar to the challenge of feeling compelled to fake orgasms, which I also knows is surprisingly common and also understandable. The thing is that both these experiences have a common piece that joins them together, which is a disconnection from our authentic selves and, uh, and ignoring the messages that our bodies are trying their best to send us. So in my case, Even [00:03:00] in my struggles with it, like when I was feeling all this shame and self judgment and low self esteem and worry, a deeper part of me really knew, I had the sense that this wasn't just a problem to fix like something.
[00:03:11] I just it's like, oh, there's something wrong with me. And I have to fix it. I kind of knew that there was a message from my body. That was, it was trying to tell me something. It was saying something to me. Unfortunately, I have at times in my life being something of a slow learner. Despite knowing that my persona as a player, which has kind of this persona, I took on out of insecurity really, but I knew that it was hurting me.
[00:03:36] I knew it was hurting me and it was hurting others. And if you, I am so sorry to all the beautiful women out there and all the men who. I was friends who I was dishonest with and where I was out of integrity with my energy of just all that kind of stuff. I, yeah, I am sorry for that. It's not a cool thing.
[00:03:53] And I knew it was hurting me. I knew I was hurting others, but it, I was hooked. I was hooked on it because I was using it to cover [00:04:00] up that I had cripplingly low self-esteem. Like, I really, really felt like just low self worth basically. And. It caused so much pain that eventually I went on a 10 day silent meditation retreat, even though I didn't think it was like for that reason, but I was meditating for 11 hours a day and it took that to start breaking these negative old patterns. And in those days of this intense self-reflection I faced those insecurities head-on. I had four days, the first four days was basically full action color action replays in my mind of my sexual encounters and not in a positive light. I mean, like I could no longer hide the truth that I had been using sex and relationships and women to mask my deep seated feelings of inadequacy, of self doubt.
[00:04:50] It was horrific. If you can imagine, just sitting for 11 hours a day and just seeing these replays and being shown like this is your shadow, this is your darkness. It was [00:05:00] fucking intense. So coming out of that. Emerging from the retreat. I made a very bold choice. Well, I made a bold choice after one more, very ill-advised trust with a lovely woman.
[00:05:13] And that really was so uncomfortable that it burned away the last bits of resistance I had. Remember I mentioned about that slow learner. So yes, I made a bold choice after that and I committed to celibacy. And this was during my mid twenties. So I had created this identity around myself, like really revolved around my sexuality, around women, around my skills in those areas. And at a time that I was very promiscuous and I decided no I'm going to be celibate for however long it takes, uh, which doesn't really matter to the story.
[00:05:44] But I'm fast-forwarding three months. And I had had some wild adventures. I was now in Northern California after being in London, UK. I'd ended up at this Halloween party in the woods. And of course I met this beautiful woman there and she, we just, our eyes [00:06:00] met across the dance floor and we walked towards each other and I thought she was on drugs and she thought I was on drugs because we were both just so like. I don't know. The feeling was so connected, but both of us were sober. And so there was this deep connection.
[00:06:14] We chatted for hours, this whole thing, and she came and visited me a few days later. At the house I was staying at, and yes, this was all kind of heading in one direction. You know, it gets to the point we were laying next to each other on a bed. There's this gorgeous woman next to me. And I chose to honor my commitment to the celibacy.
[00:06:32] I said to her, listen at you are beautiful. And I, I feel this attraction, but I'm just. I have to honor this in myself. And that was a really big moment. I didn't realize how big at the time. And she was very graceful about it. She was lovely. She was sweet. And she got a lift home with a friend of mine later that afternoon.
[00:06:50] We had a beautiful time just hanging out and chatting. And when that my friend came back, who'd given this woman a ride home, he came back with a handwritten poem that she had [00:07:00] written out for him to give to me. And it was a poem called because of our wisdom by Hafiz. A Sufi poet I had never heard of before. You can check the show notes for the full poem. I don't want to read it out right now.
[00:07:13] It's very precious. And I just, I don't know. I kind of want to get on with the story, but, but read the, the show notes. Maybe I'll share it at the end. We'll see. But, uh, but it's in the show notes anyway. So this poem was a turning point. So through all this, remember that all these processes and me not knowing what the outcome of listening to my body finally was going to be. Of choosing celibacy, of choosing to recalibrate the way that I was treating myself.
[00:07:35] Instead of saying, there's something wrong with me because my, I have this erectile dysfunction, you know, that label of like, there's something wrong with me. Instead of that, it was like, why is my body doing this? What is the very valid reason that my body is bringing me this message right now? So this poem arrived in my life.
[00:07:53] It led to a deeper understanding and deeper exploration of my own personal spirituality and in, and I'm [00:08:00] really not overstating. This, it reconnected me with God. The divine. For almost the first time in my adult life, it really opened a doorway to the divine, which changed everything. I actually went out and bought to the book that that poem was in the book is called.
[00:08:15] The subject tonight is love. I will share a link to that in the show notes, and I've read every poem in it more times than I can count. I still smile, cry and give thanks to that beautiful woman for the gift that she unknowingly gave me that day. That, that book of poetry gave me the language and understanding that the way I felt about God, the way I felt about the divine, about the infinite, about the beyond the beyond the beyond. Was was known.
[00:08:43] And there were others who felt like me and others who had spoken of it that way. And, and that God wasn't off there, out there somewhere to distance. But God was right here with me, the ballroom friend, the divine player. The playful one. And the one who it's [00:09:00] worth following through the mountains, the old footprints that are years old in the snow, it's worth following those footprints to find God, because God is worth it. That those are the messages that that book gave me. And so what's the message here.
[00:09:12] What's the whole story behind this? What I'm say, saying and sharing is that your body is an antenna, tuned directly to Source. To the source energy of all the universe, which you can call God or the infinite or the divine or the universe, whatever it is that you want to call. And if you listen. It will guide you.
[00:09:33] Your body will guide you to the depths and the Heights beyond your imagination. It's not just a guide. It's, it's a gateway. It's a doorway home to who you really are.
[00:09:45] So I'd love to hear dear listener. How has your body guided you home? Or what messages might your body be sending you that you've been ignoring? Please share your stories with me, reach out to me. There's a link to message me personally, in the show [00:10:00] notes. I'd love to share any of your stories. Uh, that's that come up and maybe share them in a future episode, et cetera. And remember that, that every challenge, every desire, every desire of your body is holy. And he says that in the poem, every desire of your body is holy and is a step towards your true self.
[00:10:18] So trust your body, trust the messages. So this is a short episode. It's a solo one. It's just me and you today. Just the two of us. And thank you for being here with me. This has been an honor and a privilege to share. There is so much more to that story, by the way, like I've really given you the framework for the most important things I wanted to get across around your beautiful body and the messages it is sending you. But if you want more, let me know, reach out.
[00:10:43] Maybe I can give you different aspects or maybe the full story sometime one day. Um, we'll be returning to our guest episodes again next week. So I look forward to that. And before we part ways for today. Do you ever, or have you ever wondered why some mornings you wake up [00:11:00] feeling lost or disconnected even after trying every so-called miracle morning routine out there? It's because those routines are not tailored to your unique rhythm, your unique needs. We've all been there.
[00:11:12] I've been there trying to fit into someone else's idea of a perfect start. Only to end up feeling more out of sync with myself. I hope this episode has illustrated how listening to your body's wisdom can guide you home to a place of authenticity and peace. Imagine starting every day, aligned with this inner body wisdom.
[00:11:34] That's exactly what my free five day morning practice challenge offers. A way to discover a morning routine that resonates with your true self, not just a copy of someone else's success. Dive deeper into this journey of self discovery and empowerment by joining the challenge. Start each day, feeling energized, clear, and authentically you. Visit already free.me/yes, or check this episode's show notes in your [00:12:00] podcast app to begin your transformative journey now. Let's reconnect with our bodies and our dear divine friend together.
[00:12:09] Thank you for joining me today. It's been an absolute honor. I just want to share a little bit of a thanks or actually a big thanks. The shout out, goes to Léane who gave me the most insanely epic massage over the weekend, I was attending the Bodhi Fest in Stanford in South Africa as a facilitator. I facilitated some breathwork and some ice baths, and I played some songs and shared some stories and it was just full power.
[00:12:33] Amazing, amazing, like. Choosing highlights is almost impossible because the whole thing was so fulfilling, it so filled up the depths of my being, the depths of my heart, of what I love to do here, what I love to do in this life. And one of the highlights was that at some point I was actually writing on a piece of paper because the ice baths had been so popular that we were going to do an extra one on the Sunday morning, which it wasn't planned at all.
[00:12:56] And so I was writing down on a piece of paper to put that on the announcements board [00:13:00] and let everyone know. And this lovely woman comes running up to me and just says, I just have to let you know. I, I listen to your podcast. I love your podcast. Thank you so much. And I just. It just felt so beautiful because as I've said to you before, if you're listening to this podcast, I don't know who you are.
[00:13:15] You're amazing. You're out there. I know you're out there, but I don't know who you are. I did just get my Spotify wrapped thing, which basically shows me like how the it did. And if you want to see some of the statistics, it's pretty, pretty cool. I'm very proud for pretty new podcast. It's so nice to know that so many of you are out there listening and. It just feels great. So, um, yeah, I'll share that on my Instagram. You can find the link to that. Uh, and that's also where you can message me, but the link to that is in the show notes. But yeah, just thank you for meeting me in person, for coming up to me.
[00:13:44] And then for letting me know you were a masseuse because I had, I gave so much over the weekend and it felt amazing. And then to receive that massage, that was just so. Truthful and real, talking about speaking to the body, my body just gives thanks. So thank you. Liani thank you [00:14:00] to every one of you to you.
[00:14:01] Who's listening to this right now for you've been sharing it. I know I got, again, the stats. Spotify is like, people are sharing your podcasts. These people are amazing. Who are they? Um, so thank you wherever you're listening, on Spotify, on apple or wherever else you, you guys. You're amazing. I really appreciate you.
[00:14:16] Thank you so much. So, yeah, I'll leave you with that. If you're wanting to take this whole thing, another, a step further and really come into that communion with your body more deeply. As you know, morning practice, that's my vibe. I recommend it, um, check out alreadyfree.me/yes. Or the show notes.
[00:14:32] You can find more there. And at the end of the day, please do remember. We are already free. I'll see you next week.