if you’re tired of feeling weighed down by should’s and comparisons, if you’re ready to step into a life of joy and self acceptance, then this episode is for you because it’s all about breaking free from the should’s that hold us back! 

Trisha Huffman, also known as Your Joyologist. is a speaker, author, and podcast host who helps people in the public eye build inner confidence and self trust so they can approach their work and life with freedom, ease, and joy. Trisha shares real talk with heart, encouraging listeners to embrace their true selves and live life to the fullest She’s based in Los Angeles and is a proud mother raising her strong willed, independent, creative daughters.

Topics covered:

  • Embracing Authenticity: Overcoming the Fear of Being Yourself
  • Happiness Beyond Appearances: Navigating Struggles and Emotions
  • Craving Acceptance: Breaking Free from Societal Expectations
  • Finding Joy: Letting Go of “Shoulds” and Cultivating Self-Compassion
  • Supporting Transformation: Empowering Others on Their Journey

Links to Tricia Huffman:

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[00:00:00] Nathan Maingard: Welcome back to another episode of we are already free. I'm your host Nathan Maingard. And today's episode is all about finding joy and breaking free from the should's that hold us back.

[00:00:16] Tricia Huffman, joins us to share her wisdom and guide us towards a life filled with joy and self-acceptance. In this powerful conversation, Tricia opens up about her own journey and the transformative moments that led her to embrace joy in every aspect of her life. From discovering authenticity to overcoming self doubt, trisha provides practical insights and powerful mindset shifts that will empower you to embrace your true self and live a life of joy.

[00:00:47] So if you're tired of feeling weighed down by should's and comparisons, if you're ready to step into a life of joy and self acceptance, then this episode is for you. Prepare to be inspired [00:01:00] as we challenge your limiting beliefs and discover the freedom that comes with embracing your authentic self. Join us on this journey towards finding joy and breaking free from the sheds that hold us back. Remember dear listener, we are already free and it's time to live. Like it.

[00:01:16] Trisha Huffman, also known as Your Joyologist. is a speaker, author, and podcast host who helps people in the public eye build inner confidence and self trust so they can approach their work and life with freedom, ease, and joy. Trisha shares real talk with heart, encouraging listeners to embrace their true selves and live life to the fullest She's based in Los Angeles and is a proud mother raising her strong willed, independent, creative daughters.

[00:01:43] You can find links to Trisha in the show notes of your podcast app or at alreadyfree. me.

[00:01:49] Are you tired of starting your day in a cycle of self-sabotage , reaching for your phone and getting lost in endless scrolling? Break free and reclaim your mornings with my five day [00:02:00] morning practice challenge. Transform your life, kickstart positivity, and leave the doom scrolling behind. Join now at alreadyfree.me/yes, and take the first step towards a more beautiful life.

[00:02:12] And now, please enjoy this episode with the delightful Trisha Huffman.

[00:02:17] I want to ask you a question around authenticity. And I, and I'm curious to hear how this landed for you or how you experienced this as a young person or just in your life in general.

[00:02:28] But I found, I remember. My authenticity as a young person, and I remember bringing that authenticity, that curiosity, that desire to connect and be real and have interactions that felt exciting and safe. I remember bringing that into the world, bringing that to school and to these other places, and that the response I got was, that is not welcome here.

[00:02:52] And that was from the other kids who would bully or the teachers who would shut me down or these various different environments. And [00:03:00] I, I actually took that on for a long time. I thought, Oh, so the real me is not the one I should bring here that this is the education I'm getting is that the real me is not welcome, but this other Nathan, the good boy who Does school like this and whatever the story was, is the Nathan that that is welcome or the one and actually the Nathan that keeps himself small and doesn't rock the boat and all those stories.

[00:03:22] And I'm wondering, is that something that you went through as well as a young person or have you always felt quite comfortable in being fully yourself?

[00:03:30] Tricia Huffman: So my experience was the opposite and no, I did not always feel comfortable being myself because so I, from a young age, remember like, what can I do to be, to fit in, to be like, to be chosen, to be cool. And, um, I wasn't, like, such a follower, and I also was not a, I don't ever remember in my life, like, being an outsider or an outcast, so it's not, [00:04:00] like, I had this really strong desire of, like, oh, I'm over here, how can I fit in, but just really, like, craving to belong, craving to be accepted, craving to be approved of.

[00:04:11] So what do I need to be? Who do I need to be to do that, but at the same time being aware of that? And like, I like remember that one of my friends, one of my best friends in elementary school, who was my best friend, probably just because we grew up. On the same street, and our sisters were friends, and our families were friends, or whatever.

[00:04:30] That she became like, the most popular kid in elementary school. And I was her best friend, and she would make up those rules of like, Oh, we don't like Kim today. Today we don't like Susan, and so nobody likes Kim. You know, whatever. And I remember being like, Well, that doesn't make any sense. I do like Kim.

[00:04:50] And I would go and play with Kim so it's like I didn't like totally fall within the lines and like that but so it's like having this awareness of I deeply crave to be accepted and to be seen [00:05:00] and this and then also like what are we doing here? And like and I even remember too having like looking like Being aware of like adults and them not being happy.

[00:05:11] My parents, you know, were not very happy in their relationship. And they got separated when I was in fourth grade and I was so happy. And then they got back together. And, and so I just like, a part of me was always aware of what are we all doing here? What's the point? But then still like, what do I do to be accepted to be approved of?

[00:05:34] Um, and like small things were like made such a difference where even like, okay, I'm in school. Um, I know the answer. Do I raise my hand or not? What does that mean about me? Like, I remember like fighting with that in elementary school. Like, does this mean I'm smart? Is that good? Does this mean I'm a suck up?

[00:05:49] Is that bad? Do I raise my hand or not? What do I do? Like, what does this mean about me? Instead of just like, I know the answer. Let me answer. [00:06:00] So, like, I was really aware of all of that stuff and I hit a big breaking point when I was 15. Um, and it all just became too much. Like, I, I, I, I ended up getting diagnosed with fibromyalgia later, but I had a lots of, like, health problems that weren't very serious, but were annoying and going to lots of different doctors and things like that.

[00:06:22] And, and so I didn't sleep well and just. I mean, I really, I think I had a lot of anxiety and stress and all of that too, because I really was weighing out every single thing. Like, cause it just, as I got into those years, it was even more important. How do I be cool? And again, I was, I was in the, I've got invited to the parties.

[00:06:38] I, I was like, I wasn't even an outsider. Like I was, but I felt like such a deep outsider, I think, because I was looking for this approval and acceptance. But I wouldn't, I didn't even know who I was. So it's like, please approve of me. Please accept me. What do I wear? What music do I like? What is this?

[00:06:54] Whatever to fit in. But yet not really knowing who I was, and I think that's so exhausting.[00:07:00]

[00:07:00] Nathan Maingard: Absolutely. I mean, it's, it is exhausting. How can it be anything but, I mean, it's interesting because, because once I took on the story of Nathan is not good as he is, I then avoid it. So there's, I wanted to join the debating club. And I did like one session and I just, I didn't do it again. And I think part of it was like, I didn't want to take myself further down that path of being one of the like weird ones on the outskirts.

[00:07:24] Um, and so, yeah, it's an interesting one. And I think what you said there is such a pertinent point around the amount of energy that it takes to maintain the mask of fitting in this.

[00:07:40] Yeah. It's a big

[00:07:40] Tricia Huffman: Yeah. But yeah, so I ended up having this big breaking point where, um, I often did think about ending my life. I always hesitate, because I'm like, do we have to say trigger warnings? What do I say to like, make it palatable? But that's the reality. That was my [00:08:00] reality. Um, and I hit this really big breaking point where I kind of had like a mental breakdown, locked myself in the bathroom, was like drawing in red lipstick.

[00:08:11] Um, I really just didn't want to deal with life. I thought, I mean, I've told the story so many times, but some days it just really hits me harder. I didn't want to deal with any of it, and so I realized, like, well, this is it then, go through with it. And there was something in me, and as I say it, I don't know what the words I actually thought, but it was like, if you're so serious about this and giving up, like, what if you tried life a different way, is how I see it now.

[00:08:42] Obviously don't know the language I was saying in that. Breakdown, but I saw that even though I was in this physical pain, I couldn't do anything about I could do something about all the emotional pain I was causing myself like I knew, like, again, I was in that craving approval so bad and [00:09:00] also being like, what the heck are we doing here?

[00:09:02] Like, you know, so I was aware of this stuff in a way. And so I was like, okay, from now on, I am going to live my life. I'm not just gonna be alive. I'm gonna choose my life. I'm gonna try really hard to care more about what I think and what I want and what is my actual opinion instead of like going through these filters of what do you want from me.

[00:09:24] Um, and it was like, I really did change from there and it's not easy. It was not and it's still not easy, right? Like, I mean, I just now, how many years later from that, wrote this book, F. The Shoulds Do The Wants, and it was like, took me still so many more, 30 more, 20 more years of lessons of constant awareness of every single day, several moments throughout the day, being like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[00:09:52] What do I think? What do I want? What do I believe? Am I being, am I caring too much about, What they think in [00:10:00] the, the day that we're usually, it's not even a real like person. Most of the time it's like, what are they going to think about me? What is this? Like, we're so used to just outsourcing our life choices and what we should do.

[00:10:10] But so I did at that, on that day, like make that choice and I committed to it. And my, my, my experience in life totally changed. Totally changed. I really did start to like own who, figure out who I was and own who I was and be honest about those small things that were so big to me of like what music I liked and whatever and like let myself do the things I wanted to do without caring about what that meant about me.

[00:10:35] Like, Oh, I don't know. Am I going to be a nerd if I do this? If, can I sit at this table and talk to so and so? What does that mean? Like I, I let myself do what brought me joy and not worried about what other people thought or said about me.

[00:10:49] Nathan Maingard: When that, when you started doing that, what were some of the immediate and then longer term shifts you started to experience in your relationships as well as in your own experience of life?

[00:10:59] Tricia Huffman: [00:11:00] What's interesting, because it was high school, I was 15, um, so my relationships, honestly none of them deepened. I still, I had a ton of friends, I moved a lot through a lot of different friend groups, I was friends with lots of different people, I would be like, oh I'm gonna go out with this group of people now, I'm gonna do this, but so many other people, I had that awakening, not every other 15 year old did.

[00:11:23] My parents didn't. My teachers didn't so, uh, in a way it's a lonely experience. I'm smiling very bigly as I say that Because it's like that's the reality sometimes right of you make these choices to To live your most alive life to be honest and be truthful and that doesn't actually mean that it changes everybody So I I was aware of that though and um I still had fun.

[00:11:51] I did all sorts of things. I partied. I, you know, got the store, got the job at the record store. I wanted this. I was [00:12:00] True to myself and kept learning and experience things and kept showing up And I also I don't think even looking back a big part of me now I mean not now but adult Trisha. I feel like how it has this huge like non judgment and Compassion for myself and for other humans and I do feel like looking back in time with high school Even though I like saw that I think I realized, like, they don't know.

[00:12:24] Like, it wasn't like, I'm better than you people, or you haven't figured it out, or this. It was just like, yeah, I know where they are. And not trying to, like, change anybody else, but just, like, really being true to me. And I remember standing up for other people. Like, oh, don't pick on her. Like, I just started Besides standing up for myself, I started to stand up for other people.

[00:12:43] And I would call people out on their shit all the time. Like, what are you talking about? That doesn't make sense. Like that doesn't mean anything. Like what, you're saying she's not cool because of that? Like, so, so I wouldn't say it deepened my relationships. I had tons of relationships, more so, because again, I wasn't like putting myself in any sort of [00:13:00] box.

[00:13:00] So I put myself in all sorts of situations, met all sorts of people, didn't limit myself because of like, oh, are they cool or this or what that, but um, Yeah, I honestly don't think it deepened any of my relationships

[00:13:13] Nathan Maingard: Yeah. It's lonely being, being awake.

[00:13:16] Tricia Huffman: I moved on.

[00:13:18] Nathan Maingard: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, uh, I can, I relate to that a lot in many ways, I think. I think in my case, I had many more opportunities for authenticity because I actually shifted schools. I went to a Steiner school, a Waldorf Steiner school from the age of about 13, which was totally, that was a whole new experience of where my authenticity was completely welcome.

[00:13:38] But um, I still like, I almost ran away from that because I so badly wanted to be, I wanted to, to know that I was accepted within the greater story of society, which I now see with empathy. Gave me. Like I, like you've just spoken about having the empathy for wherever someone is in their journey and being able to really see and, and witness that.[00:14:00]

[00:14:00] Um, so I'm curious now there's a piece cause cause F the shoulds, right? So this is, this is a big one because the word should is such a loaded word. And I, and I'm, I'm wondering, do you think it's a dirty word? Like, is there a, why, why is the word should like, why should we fuck the shoulds basically?

[00:14:16] Tricia Huffman: Yeah, I, I, it's funny when you said is it a dirty word because I did used to like it's like the worst word like that would be like the cuss word to me and it is but I've now also been like Try to share about it and look at it myself more as like seeing should as a yield sign So it's like because it's to get curious about it and like well, okay if you're cuz okay So that moment of 15, like I really did like, okay, I'm gonna go from moving for once I dropped the shits, but I didn't have that awareness or anything there was a second moment later when my dad passed away suddenly and I was like it shook me up and [00:15:00] I knew I needed to do more in my life, like to wake other people up.

[00:15:03] And I didn't know what, and I got this message to give up the word should like that. And so that's where it started. And I was like, yeah, I'll try that. That doesn't make any sense because, like, I'm the last person on earth that lives a life of shoulds. Like, so, like, yeah, I'll give that up. Like, that's gonna be so easy.

[00:15:20] I don't really see how that's gonna help me. Um, but I actually committed to not saying the word should. Uh, and I was shocked at how often it came out of my mouth. And, again, I was somebody who lived my, I was living, like, my most amazing life. I, so, I, you know, like, I really was, Great about that and um, when I actually focused on the word should though, I realized how often it tried to come out of my mouth and I would commit, like I would be like, what should, and I would just freeze and I'd be like, well, what else do I say? Like, so it was so deeply embedded into [00:16:00] my vocabulary. I didn't even realize I was saying it and then was like, well, what is a replacement for this? And so me, like really focusing on that word. I realized that constantly I was just unconsciously looking outside of myself for my choices from and it was, you know, manipulating my beliefs about myself as well, too.

[00:16:19] So even though I had done all of this work, like, you know, once I was 15 again, I just like kept. Doing different things like, okay, yeah, this is my life. Like I was, had been on my own journey this whole time. Self love, self compassion, you know, all of this stuff, but still realizing how deeply rooted these beliefs were about myself in so many different ways based on like society and what, you know, we take in, or just, of course, comparing myself to others and all the things.

[00:16:45] So for me, it's like a poisonous word. Um, and it steals our joy. And so often again, I feel like the hardest part about it is that people, we don't realize it. It's just like, and it's in the smallest things. What should I eat today? I should get out of bed. I should be able to do a [00:17:00] handstand and yoga. Like by now I've been practicing for 10 years, like these, all of these ways that we're making ourselves feel bad about ourselves for who we are, for how we do things, for how we should be more like that person.

[00:17:12] Like that. So it's like I said, I now see it. I do feel like it's like a poisonous word, but I try to now, like I said, see it as a yield sign. So it's like, let me question this. What is behind this? What am I really saying? Why do I think I should do that? Why would I want to do that? Where did this belief come from? So it's really like getting curious and asking myself questions of like, why is this even coming up?

[00:17:38] But again, most of the time people are using it, saying it. It's infiltrating their thoughts, their beliefs about themselves, and they don't even realizing it. So it's really like stealing your joy on a daily basis and you don't even know who you are or what you want. You're just following these shoulds.

[00:17:54] Nathan Maingard: I love, you've just really given me an insight into that. I mean, which makes sense. You wrote the book about it, but, uh, [00:18:00] but that should as a guide, as a signpost, rather than, cause I have a negative connotation to the word should, but I don't think I've really understood. I just like, well, because then I'm acting out of like.

[00:18:13] Thinking the things I think that I'm supposed to be doing rather than necessarily like, and it's kind of on that level, but what you've just said brings it down to me a deeper level of introspection, which is what is it about this thing that I've just said I should or should not, or whatever the story is, what is it about this thing that gives it so much power that I'm giving it so much power that That I think that I have to, or must not, or whatever that story is.

[00:18:37] And then suddenly I have reclaimed my sovereignty in that moment around my relationship with that, whatever that thing is. Is that, does that resonate?

[00:18:47] Tricia Huffman: yeah, because I mean that's so the subtitle I ended up going with which was I was rough to pick up the subtitle. Get clear on who you are, what you want, and why you want it. And that doesn't mean like [00:19:00] One final thing you are this this is what you want and that's why you want it done You know, it's in each moment is that is that awareness of you're coming back to oh, who am I? Why do I want this? What you know, what is it that I want? So like in that moment of like, oh I should do this Oh, I should do the dishes I should have returned this email right now. I'm, you know, like, whatever, I shouldn't have said that. Like, whatever, all the many ways that these shoulds and should nots and should haves come back, then it gets you to like, phew, okay, what's really happening here?

[00:19:29] Instead of just seeping in that shame, a lot of should is shame. It's not all, but there is a lot of that. And we're just, again, so, Again, it's mostly happening unconsciously, so we're just simmering in shame. Shame and shame.

[00:19:43] Nathan Maingard: Shane, who's, Shane's, Shane's listening right now being like, I'm, I'm just, I'm just, I did nothing.

[00:19:52] Tricia Huffman: like, yeah. And so we're just like sitting with all the shame all day long for, for sometimes the stupidest things.

[00:19:59] Nathan Maingard: [00:20:00] You, so you're talking to me at a deep level right now, which tends to happen on this podcast, which is one of the reasons I love it so much, because it makes me uncomfortable, um, is that I, I think at a deep subconscious level, I run I run my life on shoulds, a lot of it. And, and I'm saying that as someone who I feel so blessed in so many ways.

[00:20:19] And often the difference between a should and a want is a perspective shift. It's not necessarily the change in the thing itself, which I'm sure I'm speaking to the preaching to the choir here, but I have, when I get, when things get really dark in my life, which they were just a few weeks ago, again, fortunately, those things happen.

[00:20:35] Like I go dark, it's less, um, pervasive and long lasting as it used to be. Um, but nevertheless, when it go, when I go dark, I go all the way dark and it's really unpleasant. And in those times, the, the languaging that starts to really come through is I should, I should, I should, I should, I should be doing this.

[00:20:51] I shouldn't be doing that because I'm not doing that. I should punish myself. Like those things start to really run. Deep, like deep records [00:21:00] that are well worn. So hearing you in this case is like, what if even in those moments, I could be like, what is the should about right now? So thank you for that.

[00:21:09] Tricia Huffman: Yeah, and that's, I mean, that's what I say a lot too, is what ends up happening too is. All of these things that we feel are human emotions and are human, like, protection mechanisms, right? I read something the other day that somebody said, like, it was like their doctor said something about, like, our brain is not here to make us happy, it's here to, like, Have us like survive or something like that and I was just like there you go It's like like what happens is a lot of times to people get so they pile the shitty emotions onto the shitty emotions Like oh, I just I'm had shame or I should it on myself or I'm in doubt or I'm in fear So I'm such a terrible person and it's interesting because it's often these people to that like we write we're on personal development journey or this We're wanting to better ourselves.

[00:21:54] And so then you're like beating yourself up for having human Thoughts and feelings and experiences [00:22:00] instead of being like, Oh, okay, what's going on here? So it is again, like it's really like meeting yourself with so much love, so much compassion. And like, you're really like having these conversations, gentle conversations with yourself to see yourself through it instead of I'm terrible person and see like I should this, whatever.

[00:22:19] And then you're just shooting on yourselves for the shoulds and what you're feeling. I shouldn't feel this way. We showed ourselves out of our feelings. I shouldn't feel this way or even. Right. Yeah. And people like, right. People that have good, like, have a lot in their life. People who have, they might be well off, but yet they have struggles, then they don't, Oh, I shouldn't feel this way because I have so much.

[00:22:38] Is that helpful to shoot yourself out of the feelings that you have? Like, no, you need to actually be able to meet yourself with love and compassion so that you can move through those feelings and support yourself. That's like, there's so many ways that we should on ourselves. It's just like, Oh,

[00:22:54] Nathan Maingard: Yeah. Well, I want to segue into something else, which I feel I was obviously going to have connection, but [00:23:00] just around, you are a joyologist. Um, so this morning I didn't actually, cause I, you know, I didn't know what was coming up in the day yet, but I, I said my. My little prayer, my intention I set this morning before my practice was for joy.

[00:23:17] And it was just like, I just want to connect more with that sense of joy rising. And I don't, and I, and I mean, and I'm, this is, I'm giving context, but then I really want to hear what joy means to you, because for me, joy is different to happiness. Happiness is often around, I want to feel good. Like I want to feel yay.

[00:23:35] Like it's all awesome. Whereas joy is more like a deep. Acceptance and, and swimming in life from the place of, yes, I choose this. So what inspired you to become a joyologist and what does that mean for you?

[00:23:52] Tricia Huffman: So, yeah, like I said, I was like, The second key moment thing was when my dad passed away suddenly. Um, so I [00:24:00] was, so, you know, 15, I started doing my own thing. I started, I really enjoyed music. I really loved live music. So I pursued becoming a live sound engineer, even though I didn't even know what that was called.

[00:24:12] I just. That's what it is. So I, you know, that took me on this path and so I really was living my once I made that happen. I toured the world with legendary icons. I loved my life. I, when I wasn't on tour would just like travel on my own and everything was, everything was amazing. And I mean, of course there was, I was human, but like really, really, it was, it was great.

[00:24:33] And when my dad passed away, um, it really shook me up and I felt like. I was, I could no longer go through life just putting that intention and love and care on myself. Like, I, you know, I, from that moment at 15, I had chosen to live a different life, a different way, and okay, this and that. And then I went on, like, my own health journey to help with my fermialgia and [00:25:00] all of that stuff, too.

[00:25:01] And so, I was choosing life and I was choosing my life, but when my dad died, it made me want to like, walk up to people on the street and actually like, shake them and be like, you're alive right now. You might not be tomorrow. That is the truth. Like my dad had an accident and it really just like, I couldn't do it anymore.

[00:25:20] Like, so I gave up my dream life. I was like, I can't do sound anymore. I was supposed to be on tour for the next year and a half for this huge album with a band that I love. Like, Like my dream tour and everything and I was like, I can't do this anymore. I have to do something to wake people up to the fact that they are alive.

[00:25:35] They are alive today. They're not gonna be forever. They're here to be themselves to stop making everything be so fucking hard to enjoy your life. And I also was in deep grief. And so I also got it. Life is hard. It can be really unfair. It can be challenging. And also, you could die tomorrow. So it wasn't like, just see the good and be happy and, you know, F all the hardships and live every day like it's your last [00:26:00] day!

[00:26:01] But like, can you find some freakin joy? Like, it just felt like everybody was going through the motions of life. And I also saw these people that I worked for, who were living their biggest, biggest dream. Like, they were writing songs that were resonating with people around the world, to sold out audiences, had everything.

[00:26:20] You know, could fly in a private jet, go to a private island, buy the same shoes over and over and forgot they had them and it was just like funny. Like, they even had good relationships and good people because there's a lot of, you know, toxic stuff, of course, too. But I realized too, like, these people that have it all, they're still dealing with these human struggles.

[00:26:39] Again, doubts, fears, judgment, this, afraid to set boundaries, you know, like, all, whatever, all the same things when you had it all. So it was just like, what is everybody doing? Like waiting until one day, then I will have time to feel joy. Or once I have this and be this, then, right? Like then [00:27:00] we can enjoy our lives or something.

[00:27:02] So I gave everything up and I didn't know what I would do. I took a year off and went into like all sorts of different introspective stuff and learn yoga, teach training, anything. Anyway, I'm like, I was going to say long story short, but I don't know how short that was. I ended up going back on tour.

[00:27:18] Because that was the world I knew. So I created a role to keep artists grounded and inspired and in integrity with themselves and healthy and body and mind. I made up a role for myself and I didn't have a title. I just knew that that's what I wanted to do and it was going to make a difference. And so I, Went out on tour and, uh, someone gave me the title of Joyologist, and that's where it came from.

[00:27:45] So I didn't choose the title, and for many years I've thought about, like, uh, like it's become my brand for over a decade now, and I'm still like, do I? Do I change that? Does it, because it feels a bit like, I don't know, froufou or [00:28:00] hippie or something to me and I'm not really, like, you know, like, I'm like, I'm rock and roll, but I'm not, I'm a million things, right?

[00:28:05] But again, that's like, who am I? What does that mean about me? What's the plan? And to me, joy all just works because Yeah, I'm, it's not about being happy all the time. For me, I think joy is a lot about being present. Like, when I can feel the most joy is when I'm fully fucking present. And that means to everything.

[00:28:23] To the hardships of life. I'm not blacking out everything and pretending like I don't see anything, and pretending that I don't feel these things. And choosing joy. And like, you know, like, I have nature behind me where I'm looking. It's like, it's being tuned in to like, Oh, I can actually be so present with the beauty of nature.

[00:28:42] There's a lot of wonder in that and joy. And like, and so for me, it's like, again, I, I know the realities of life and the realities of being human and our minds are noisy and the world is noisy and you could die tomorrow. And so like, how can you prioritize any joy [00:29:00] today? And sometimes if joy feels too out outside the scope of what you're dealing with, then it's also like, well, what can you do to nurture yourself?

[00:29:07] It's basically again, this like radical self compassion and love and full acceptance for yourself and what you're feeling in all of it. And so that's how I'm able to access joy is because I am accepting of what is happening in my life. And all of it and still being like, Oh, all right, how can I make space for joy, for sunshine, for laughter, for play?

[00:29:36] Nathan Maingard: Well, let's circle back to the becoming a sound engineer, because it sounds like that was quite a, quite a massive thing that you did there. And in a way, it's an example of choosing joy, even though. You know, even though it might not have looked practical to others from the outside, but you were like, I'm going to do this thing.

[00:29:52] And then you did that thing, which I think in itself is like a superpower to develop. So what do you, how did you go about it and what [00:30:00] was the process? And you mentioned the house of blues. And so I'm curious to hear that process so that others can also think like, what are the things that they feel that would bring them joy, but they're too scared because they don't have the experience or they don't know exactly how to get involved or all those different stories.

[00:30:14] So, so how did that one go for you?

[00:30:16] Tricia Huffman: and you know what you saying that just reminded me of this weekend. Um Uh, rollerskating with my daughters for the first time and they both were falling nonstop, uh, but would not allow me to help them. And even one of them had, like, this, like, bumper thing, which I'd never seen rollerskates for ice skates, but so she was using that and she wouldn't let me help her and the first time she fell, she was like, crying so hard, which is not, she falls.

[00:30:38] I mean, she's, she, she gets hurt a lot. And she's, you know, and like whatever, she's crying. And I was like, Oh no, this isn't good. But she wouldn't let me help her. And then the rest, she just kept doing it. She kept trying, she kept trying and she was constantly falling the rest of the night, but when it was fine, she would fall and put her thumb up.

[00:30:55] And she said to me, mom, when I'm having fun and I'm [00:31:00] happy, I don't, it doesn't hurt when I fall, but when I'm sad, it really hurts. And I was like, yeah, honey, I get that. And I'm saying that because like, again, I have lived with fire. I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was 18 and then went off to college.

[00:31:17] It's a lot. It's a lot of pain. It's a lot to deal with. But what, so again, that was vital to me choosing things that filled me up. That brought me joy. Because when I. And feeling things that are doing joy when I'm doing things I want to, I don't feel the pain as much like my daughter when she was having fun and roller skating.

[00:31:39] So that also was a commitment to me of like, I have to be doing things that are filling me up, even if they're hard. So yeah, I love concerts and I would go to any concert with anybody when I was in high school. I didn't even know the music. Like, you know, be like, sure, I'll go. Sure. I'll go. And I would just be like in the audience, everybody be like dancing.

[00:31:58] And I would just be like, listening, like the guitar [00:32:00] is too loud. I can't hear the background singers and be like, Trisha, are you having fun? Like, and I would like. Again, I didn't care what anybody thought. So I'd be like, sure, let me go to this concert. Let me go to this concert and I'll go with you and whatever.

[00:32:10] And I'm just going to stand there and listen to the music. Uh, and so while you guys are dancing, that was also a big part of it, right? I wasn't like, let me fit in or no, I don't know if I can go to that concert. Like so many ways that I set myself free. Um, but anyway, so I knew I wanted to be that person that was controlling the sound, but I didn't know what it was.

[00:32:26] And the only thing my parents wanted was for me to have a college degree. So I found this liberal arts college, Columbia college in Chicago. Um, I joined like music production because I didn't even, again, like know what it was. I was like, maybe that's a producer. I don't know what it is. And at the same time, I got a job at the house of blues working in the retail, like company store, cause I only had retail experience, but I intentionally.

[00:32:49] Applied for that job because they had concerts and so the people who were doing concerts Um would come down and like hang out in the shop because they'd be there like 12 hours Long long [00:33:00] days and I would get to know them and I was like, I'm I think what you guys are doing or what? I want to do and they're like, oh, okay.

[00:33:06] Well come hang out sometime So I did that's again like that's like even just putting myself in that situation Saying what you're doing and they created the invitation If you, I'm still, if you invite me to say something, you're like, Oh yeah, use my vacation house. Oh yeah, whatever. Like, be pre warned, I'm going to take you up on that.

[00:33:26] Like, if you offer an invitation to me, like, I'll be like, okay. Let's do, well, sure. So anyway, um, I showed up and I felt like I didn't know anything. I knew absolutely nothing when I started to show up. And to be honest, I was in the way. So. I would come after, I also had another job, like an office job, and so I would show up at 4pm, and that was like, basically when soundcheck was happening, so I'd missed the load in, I'd missed the things, whatever, but like, maybe I'd be able to help with the opening acting already.

[00:33:56] And I, I saw right away, like, wow, I really want to be a part [00:34:00] of this. I want to... I want to do this and, um, and again, they would be like, okay, Trisha, get a boom stand and be like, what's a boom stand? can you make the snare drum? And I'd be like, what's the snare drum? So I looked like an idiot. I had to constantly ask questions.

[00:34:16] I was in the way I was at the start. I was not helping them at all. I was making everything take longer and harder, and I'm sure a lot of them just wanted me to go, to go away. And I just kept showing up. I quit my other job that was, like, well paying, so I could be there, um, for, like, for Loden, like, at 9 a.

[00:34:35] m., and be there the whole day, and be part of it, so I just really, like, never went away. I realized my school even had a sound program, switched all my majors two weeks before like school went back. Um, they eventually had to start paying me because I never went away. They're like, okay, we finally need another stagehand for New Year's Eve, so we're going to put you on the thing.

[00:34:53] So I like slowly went from there, but I just like, I never went away. I wasn't afraid of looking stupid. Um, [00:35:00] and, and that, those people became my family, but also every single day. The bands that came in often like had their own crew, especially the bigger bands. And so besides those people knowing me, then everyday new people came in and were more like, who is this girl?

[00:35:13] And then when I became actually open, like just doing sound, then it was unusual. And it still is unusual to have a female sound engineer. And I was. 20 years old too. So I was very young. I was a girl. And so people were constantly judging me, wanting me to get out of the way, having, you know, like low expectations of me.

[00:35:35] And I just kept showing up and like, this is what I want to do. And at that time I discovered this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that, Still means so much to me that both my name, both my kids have the middle name Rose to represent this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. That's just what I chose to represent it, which is no one can make you feel inferior without your, no, I'm saying it wrong.

[00:35:57] No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. That's not [00:36:00] it, but it's But that's basically it, like, yeah, no one can make you feel anything unless you're giving them permission. So people can tell me you don't know what you're doing, you know, get out of here, you're never gonna be any good, you don't belong in here, they can say things.

[00:36:15] But I can't feel that unless I give, like, give the permission to like, yeah, you're right, I don't belong here. So even back then I wasn't like, yeah, I'm good, I'm awesome, I'm gonna do this, it was just the commitment of, I know that this is what I want to do, so I'm gonna keep showing up. And that quote has made such an impact to me because it's really like seeing...

[00:36:33] Nobody can make you feel loved without your permission. Nobody can, you know, make you feel successful without your permission. We're constantly looking for these things outside of ourselves. Like again, once I have this, do this, have the perfect person, have all this money, whatever, then I will feel that.

[00:36:50] But it's like, it's our own acceptance of it.

[00:36:55] Nathan Maingard: ha. Um.

[00:36:55] Tricia Huffman: and over again that allows us to actually access it and feel that[00:37:00]

[00:37:00] Nathan Maingard: And how do you help someone? So, cause, cause in your case, you had this personal awakening for, for various reasons, and, and some people go through similar things to what you went through and don't have those awakenings. And that's also just each person's journeys and choice. Like you said, we, we have a choice.

[00:37:16] So I'm curious in your own work, how have you supported people? Because that's what you, you, I hear that that's like your meaning in life at this point, or it has been for a while is to spark that in others. You're like, I've chosen to live my life on my own terms, doing these wild and wonderful things that mean a lot to me just by showing up for them.

[00:37:35] So how do you translate that into now there's another person who's working with you or interacting with you and how, how do you. Support or hold space for that, for them to go through that same transformation without necessarily having to have fibromyalgia, et cetera.

[00:37:50] Tricia Huffman: yeah Yeah, I was like I was gifted these experiences to what which again yet not everybody does but like yeah I definitely am you know [00:38:00] an example of like using your pain to transform your life and loss So yeah a lot of when I'm working with people and it doesn't matter How much success they have had or what they have already done in their life and all of that.

[00:38:13] It's really like holding that space and asking them these questions. So right, like a lot of my stuff is asking questions and like I said, getting curious, like, why do you believe that? Why do you think you should that? And so it's, that's what I'm doing with people is walking them through, like, Okay, well, why do you think you should do that?

[00:38:35] Why do you think you can't do that? Okay, like, let's go back. And it doesn't it's also it doesn't have to be like, let's go back into time and like, heal, heal your childhood wounds and stuff like that. And, you know, people like a lot of people will tell me like, oh, that's like inner child work. And I'm like, OK, like, I don't know.

[00:38:50] That's a lot of my stuff. Is, is like me self getting through my fucking life, to be honest, like, how can I get through [00:39:00] this? And so I've had some people, even therapists, they're like, Oh, what you do is similar to CBT. And I'm like, I don't know what that is. Like, and I used to have a bit of insecurities of like, do I need to go do all of these trainings then?

[00:39:09] Because people tell me that my work is like that. And I'm like, and it's not that I, not that it's a bad idea to get trainings. But like, but the reality is a lot of my stuff is just from me, like self figuring out. Like, how can I choose my life? How can I get through this hard time? How can I that? So it's, again, giving people this space to really look through it.

[00:39:28] And there's so much, again, compassion. There's no judgment. There's no pressure. And even when people come to me with these goals of I want to do this and there's a lot of like. Handholding and accountability in a lot of my work because I know that we're humans and we forget so it's not like oh, yeah You're gonna forget that.

[00:39:47] It's just like that's what happens life. We get busy in this and so I'm like, hey, how are you doing? Hey, how's this going? How's blah blah blah? Like I work with people in that deep level, but there's never any shame or even this whatever So it's like oh so [00:40:00] a lot of times people come to me thinking they want to do this Do something and then they realize they don't actually and I don't hold them to that and they might want to start to even feel shame for like, but what I said, I was going to do this and I'm like.

[00:40:11] But no, we've realized you don't want to. That was something you thought you should want. Or a past version of you. Wanted. And so again, I should pursue this. So it's really just giving them this space to like, look at what really is happening in their mind. What are these deep rooted beliefs? And where is it coming from?

[00:40:31] And it takes time. And then like, allowing like, working with them to like, reprogram their brain so that they are then constantly going like, wait, where did this come from? Like, so many of my clients will be like. I'm constantly like, what would Tricia's do say? Like afterwards, like years later, they're still like, yeah, I still am like, whatever, but it's not as if that, but it's like, if I was still, you know, like working one on one with Tricia, what would she be guiding me to ask myself?

[00:40:56] Cause it's not like, what would I say? Cause I'm telling them you should do this. But it's like the [00:41:00] questions I would ask them that like, I'm constantly in conversation. Well, what do you think about that? Well, how does that feel? Well, what if you looked at it this way? Well, blah, blah, blah. So it's really a lot of questions and like just giving them that space with, again, allowing them to transform and not have pressure or shame or judgment around it.

[00:41:20] Nathan Maingard: Yeah, I, I kinda, I've lost count of the amount of times that just a simple question asked without an intention to judge or to direct or point in a certain way, but just a simple question that just goes to the heart coming from a place of awareness and a place of sensitivity of like, Hmm, what's that thing that you said there that is touched on that.

[00:41:41] But then you said this can just, I have lost count of the times that someone will just burst into tears at that moment, just being so seen, just seen, just here I am and it's okay. And I'm witnessed. It's such a beautiful moment.

[00:41:55] Tricia Huffman: Yeah. Because honestly, listening. It's [00:42:00] not something like, we're not, people aren't often listening. I love having podcast conversations so much because there's no distraction, we're locked in. Like it's one of the rare times, right, except if you are like in a coaching session or something, that every, you're just locked in with someone.

[00:42:17] fully present. But in real life, that's unfortunately very rare. And even with the people they love the most too, they have their own, know, background, you know, they might be in conversation, but then they're thinking about this and oh, I forgot to do that or blah, blah, blah. And they also are often seeing them through a lens of who they think they know them to be.

[00:42:36] Like, you know, so sometimes when you're trying to work through things and you have the best support systems and love, it can be challenging because those people own, like, see you a certain way. And they also might be like projecting. shoulds onto you without realizing it. Or you might be afraid of opening up fully because again, this like afraid of what they're going to think afraid of this.

[00:42:56] And you don't even realize it again. Cause some of the stuff is subconsciously happening. Like you are making [00:43:00] yourself smaller, holding yourself back without even realizing it.

[00:43:05] Nathan Maingard: I mean, this is part of my own story of insecurity. I, I, I get, I doubt, I think, uh, you know, why does anyone really need to work with me? It's all inside of them. It's all, and one of the ways I help myself with that is to think, has anyone else ever helped me? Have I ever been helped by someone's random sharing on their Instagram or the book that I happen to pick up or the show that I put on?

[00:43:26] If you're listening to this, it's because you are awake in a sleeping society. You know living an aligned life is possible. The problem is that being awake isn't enough. I'll paint a picture. You're stuck in bed, weighed down heavy by self doubt. Slowly suffocating in a room you're ready to leave but you don't have the motivation to get up or know which door you would open if you did get up.

[00:43:51] And the TV is glued to the worst channel, known as doomscrolling. Despite wanting to get out of bed, turn off the TV and move forward, [00:44:00] here you are, feeling trapped.

[00:44:01] If this is you, I understand, because I have been there too. I remember when even a single blanket felt too heavy to lift, let alone the responsibility of living aligned with my life purpose.

[00:44:14] The good news is that the solution is simpler than you might think. What am I talking about? Starting a morning routine. I know. I know you may have tried this before and failed, but I bet I know why. It's because you made some common mistakes. You made it too complicated, you over committed, and you didn't set up systems for success.

[00:44:36] That's why I've created the 5 Day Morning Practice Challenge. Just 5 days of a few minutes each day to help you go from sinking low to soaring high. As previous participant Adrian said... Waking up every morning in a frustrated fog, I felt hopeless and incapable of change. The challenge helped me go from self judging to self loving and accepting myself.

[00:44:59] [00:45:00] This challenge is simple, accessible, and supportive. Dear listener, if you're feeling weighed down and exhausted under those heavy blankets, this is for you. Lift the weight by taking your first step. And yes, change is hard. But is it harder than tiredly watching your life pass you by? Access the challenge now for free by visiting the show notes on your podcast app, or simply go to alreadyfree.me/yes.

[00:45:26] why does anyone really need to work with me? It's all inside of them. It's all, and one of the ways I help myself with that is to think, has anyone else ever helped me? Have I ever been helped by someone's random sharing on their Instagram or the book that I happen to pick up or the show that I put on?

[00:45:41] Has that helped me? Has that song supported me in going through a hard time? So what I'm hearing you say, and I'd actually like to, to, to kind of dive a little more into this because you've mentioned it a few times that people who have so called success, who kind of made it and have. The money, the adulation achieved the [00:46:00] big albums that you help those people as well.

[00:46:02] And so in my mind's eye, I mean, I know everyone's got their issues, but I would imagine they are confident in what they do at that point. So just, just segueing into that is like, how do you then help someone or why does someone like that need help at that level? And how do you go about that? Or what has that experience been like for you?

[00:46:20] Tricia Huffman: what I've seen and what I know to be true on a large scale is that when people have. You know, outward success in whatever realm, uh, their life can often can get more complicated and more challenging. And there's more pressures on them from the outside world. There's more people in their life.

[00:46:46] There's managers, there's artists, there's this, or, you know, you're a CEO, there's more people to manage. Like there's, there's more. So there's more happening, which then heightens our human emotions. So, [00:47:00] yeah, they can be confident in who they are and what they're doing and look what I've done. But that also can then lead into, right, lead, again, they're human.

[00:47:10] What if they're just having a hard day or this or they don't have as much sleep because they're working so hard. And then that can, of course, like take into self confidence and like, right, like we know when we're not taking the best care of ourselves. And even if they are, it's just. It's, it's a lot of work, a lot of moving around when you're in like the talking about music touring that so all of that is taking a toll, a physical toll, which then takes an emotional toll, which then you do sort of lose a bit sight of who you are and what you're capable of.

[00:47:38] And there's a lot of people like I said that are like, Oh, can you do this, this, this, this, whatever. You know, like a lot of requests are coming in people afraid to say no. I've seen a lot of people like not being great with setting boundaries. Like it takes years. You know, usually it's like, you can see where a certain person is into their career and it's like, right, right.

[00:47:53] They have learned the, they've gone through whatever, but it's, it's unfortunate that so many artists, um. [00:48:00] Having have like breakdowns early on and you see people cancelling tour like I get so pissed off At like tour cancellations not because of like I'm so happy for those people for prioritizing their health and mental wellness But like the industry that does not ever, not, not, does not ever, okay, does not often do a great job of taking care of these artists that are like now their new gold mine.

[00:48:29] So like, can you do this, do this, do this? Okay, now you're, you know, you have this big single, so let's get you on every show and like get you on this. So there's a lot of things that play into it, um, but yeah, the biggest part is they're still human.

[00:48:43] Nathan Maingard: Right.

[00:48:44] Tricia Huffman: And, and again, like their life. Mike, they have more money.

[00:48:48] Sure. They might be able to fly nicer and travel nicer and buy more things and pay for things, but, but it also, yeah, like you can actually create more stress and more pressure and more [00:49:00] and more asks. And then like, yeah, they start to lose sight of who they are, a bit..

[00:49:06] Nathan Maingard: so what is a technique that you would offer to a listener right now? Maybe something from your book or just in general that if, you know, how can someone start effing the shoulds and, and doing the wants and, you know, just something that they could take with them. And I obviously recommend anyone listening picks up your book.

[00:49:22] Tricia Huffman: Yeah, go to ftheshouldsdothewants. and get the book. I think I said, if you go to yourjoyologist.com/gift, you can download the first chapter for free too, if you just want to like try it out, but yeah, so I always recommend, so I totally committed to. Eliminating that word from my vocabulary and I have stuck to it.

[00:49:44] So that was over 10 years ago and for me That's what gave me all the awareness to write this book because I'm was so committed to it And but and that's what so anyway, I didn't say Earlier I was like stuck like what else do I say [00:50:00] here? And so I realized that like 95 percent of the time for me the best choice to swap should out with Was want because then I was coming back to myself because you'd be like, oh, what should oh, well, I need oh I must I like there's there were different words.

[00:50:14] I tried out But for once I was constantly coming back to myself. So it's like oh, what should I do? What do I want to do? Like should was looking out, want is me like coming back to me. What should I eat? Why should be whatever. So anyway, so I committed like I really still do not say the word unless I'm like talking about this, like, unless I'm like talking like, oh, that's a should this. made me so mindful of not just what I was saying, but then what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling, because it still affects me every single day. So I wrote this book. I committed to giving the word up over 10 years ago. I still feel the weight of shoulds every day, but because I'm so aware of it, I can even tune into my energy.

[00:50:55] So I'm aware of like, Oh, what am I feeling? I'm feeling anxious. Oh, what am I feeling? I'm feeling, you know, [00:51:00] like I'm feeling. Worried. I'm feeling doubt. Oh, I don't know what happened. Like, so I can tune into my energy and then I'm usually able to like quickly relate it to, Oh, I saw that social media post and it made me feel like this and blah, blah, blah.

[00:51:12] Like, it really dials me into my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs, everything, just by paying attention to that one word. So, I'm not saying that you have to commit as well, but what if you just had a like trial day of like for one day I'm going to commit to not using the word should and or because again sometimes people don't catch it and I will be in conversation with people and sometimes You And then like say it and they'll be like, Oh yeah, I'm not going to, you know, use it.

[00:51:41] And then they'll say it like three times in a row without even realizing it. So also have compassion for yourself if you catch yourself saying it again, like that's human, but like try really hard to see it. And if, just pay attention to how much you see it in marketing, on social media, how often you hear it, just like really like let yourself, I am really being present to shoulds [00:52:00] today.

[00:52:01] And again, because I'm aware that some people aren't even going to be able to notice themselves saying it or thinking it too, then also just look at your day to day choices and ask yourself why. So, right, so it's like if you're like, oh, I should get out of, like, you might not catch yourself thinking I should get out of bed, then just go, why? Because then you're like, why do I want to get out of bed? Or, Okay, no, actually I'm okay. I actually want to be in bed a little bit longer and that's okay because you're really shaming yourself Because you're still in bed or whatever, right? So then like open your closet. You might be like, what should I wear today?

[00:52:31] You don't catch that. So just ask yourself. What do I want to wear or like why? Okay breakfast So like just even try to ask what do I want if you don't catch yourself in the should and or why? Why am I doing this? Why am I choosing this? Why am I leaving right now? Why do I feel stressed about this like whatever so like just If you can't catch yourself with the shoulds, then all throughout your day be asking yourself, Why am I doing this?

[00:52:55] And is this what I want? And like you said earlier, sometimes it's just a perspective [00:53:00] shift. Like writing the book, F the shoulds, I would constantly be like, I should be writing right now, and would catch myself and be like, Right, I should be writing! Oh, okay, what am I telling myself? Why do I think that I should be writing?

[00:53:12] Well, because the book is due and this, whatever. Why do you want to write? Because I really believe in what I'm doing. And I do want to get this message out there. So, okay, like, you know, so it's like shifting the perspective of the thing and getting clear on why you want to do the thing. And then you are coming from the energy of want.

[00:53:30] And not just telling yourself. It's not just swapping the word out, but getting to that place of Oh, yeah, I want to do this and which is usually getting clear on the why

[00:53:40] Nathan Maingard: So as an example, if I were to say, so one of the things that comes up for me at times is, is social media, tech, Netflix, et cetera. So where I think I should be getting up and doing my morning practice and there's another part of me, it's like, but I want to just get on my phone and like [00:54:00] binge Instagram for the next two hours.

[00:54:02] How would you process something like, cause, cause one. There's a different result. So for example, if I still think, well, I should do my morning practice and then I do do it, I feel substantially better than if I say, well, I want to binge Instagram for the next two hours. If I do binge Instagram, I will definitely, well, pretty much definitely feel worse than if I had done my morning practice.

[00:54:24] So I'm curious about like, how does something like that unfold?

[00:54:28] Tricia Huffman: so so then asking yourself Why? Would I want to do my morning practice and also another question? I like to ask myself and it's in the book too is how will I feel like how will it make me feel to do the thing? Cause even too, like, sometimes it's like, Ugh, I should return these emails. And it's just like, it's not even like, Why?

[00:54:50] Because then they won't be waiting on me. But like, how will it feel? Like, sometimes it's just even the like, It'll feel so good to have it be fucking done. Like, you know, like, it's just even the fact of like, [00:55:00] the doing the thing. Like, it's gonna feel good to just, I did that. I, you know, but there usually is like, Oh, I'm guessing your morning practice.

[00:55:08] Maybe, Oh, it makes me feel more alive, more awake, more present, more like whatever. You know, like you probably actually get feelings from how it makes me feel, but sometimes it's just the, like, it's going to feel so fucking good to not have that weighing on me anymore. So I want to do this.

[00:55:21] Nathan Maingard: that.

[00:55:22] Tricia Huffman: So, you know, so asking yourself, why would I want to do that?

[00:55:24] And then like, well, why do I, why do I want to look at social media? You know, and, and how will that make me feel? And I also looking at too, how can you do it differently then? So maybe there is a part of you that is field and pooled to open social media. But if you're like, So, this is something I've actually, uh, you know, like just allowing yourself to do things differently.

[00:55:45] Cause it could be like, if you're so pulled to social media, it could be like, I'm not allowed to open my phone until I'm like, on my yoga mat, stretching, or something, you know? So, it's like, you get a little bit of that dose of that, and you're stretching, and then you often might be like, oh, actually now I'm gonna just do my morning [00:56:00] yoga practice.

[00:56:00] Like, something I've recently started to do. Is I will wake up in the morning and I'm not like, okay, I give myself time to wake up, but I'm not like amped to get out of bed. I would love to keep sleeping, but I also know I'm not going to fall back asleep. I'll like pick a guided meditation and I'm not even really listening to it, but I just turn it on and then I just start stretching in bed.

[00:56:18] And then I go over to my like, eventually it like wakes him to go to my, I might not even be hearing the meditation at all, but it's like, but for some reason by doing that, it has made me like, do this. Am I like doing the meditation right? And how I should do it? No, but like I've used that as a tool to get me out of bed and then do the thing that I really, that I really love to do is like stretching, but I can't just get out of my bed and go stretch.

[00:56:41] I need something to push me to do it. And so sometimes too I would do that with like, great, I can scroll on social media and do this thing. That feels good. So you have to figure out what works for you too, and not being like, so also sometimes, you said you'll go on social media for two hours and you're gonna feel bad.

[00:56:58] I sometimes too, people will say, oh you [00:57:00] shouldn't get on your phone in the morning and blah blah blah and this. I sometimes do open social media first thing in the morning, I look at it for two minutes, it actually wakes me up and I get out of bed, and I don't feel bad at all. That's me. But, I could be walking around feeling shame that I'm obviously not doing my mornings right because you shouldn't look at your phone in the morning.

[00:57:19] But meanwhile, that actually doesn't affect me. It actually gets me out of bed. So it's also like, again, where are you like feeling like you should be doing differently because that's what the blah blah blah blah blah blah experts say? You're the expert on you and so you have to be able to figure that out for yourself and it might look different day To day.

[00:57:37] Nathan Maingard: So where can people find you? I know you mentioned a moment ago where to find the book, but if you'd say that again, and just in general, where can folks track you down and, and any other projects other than the book you'd like anyone to know about?

[00:57:49] Tricia Huffman: Yeah, my main website is yourjoyologist. com still you can go to trishahuffman. com too They're still the same same website though The book you can go [00:58:00] to ftheshouldstotheonce. com. I mean, obviously go to my website. You can find it there I'm most active on social media on Instagram and Twitter tiktok under at underscore trisha huffman and then um i have a podcast as well called claim it and yeah i have some like new i have a sub stack um You can get, you know, from all the spots too, and I'm, I'm gonna start offering some more like digital, um, courses stuff coming this year, and I also offer one on one work as well.

[00:58:30] So yeah, there's always some different stuff happening out there for me, but let's start with the book, people. Just kidding.

[00:58:37] Nathan Maingard: Start with the book. Not that you should, but if you want to,

[00:58:42] Tricia Huffman: It's just a suggestion.

[00:58:44] It's in audio form, it's in PDF, or you know, it's an e book, it's in paperback, all the things.

[00:58:50] Nathan Maingard: beautiful. And when you hear the words, we are already free, what comes up for you?

[00:58:57] Tricia Huffman: Hmm, for me, [00:59:00] when I hear we are already free, it goes, I go directly to we are already free to be who we are. We have permission to be ourselves fully, but for some reason, right, the world society or minds try to make it so fucking hard for us to act as if we are not allowed to be who we are. That we can't do the way things work for us, that we can't change our mind or whatever it is.

[00:59:28] So for me, it feels like we are already free to be ourselves fully and to own every last bit of who you are right now and that you can own who you are and accept who you are fully and be working to grow, change, expand. And it's not like either or, right? I feel like people are like waiting until. Once I master this, once I heal this, once I do this, and it's all a continuous process.

[00:59:54] So you're also already free to accept yourself right now, [01:00:00] even as you're on the journey to continue to grow and evolve, because of course you are.

[01:00:06] Nathan Maingard: Well, thank you, Tricia. It's been a real pleasure and an honor to have you on here. I'm very grateful for your time and yeah, looking forward to following your journey and to. I, I am committing to doing some, some hard time with no shoulds. I'm very excited about that and to see what that brings up in my own life.

[01:00:27] So thank you again. It's been a real pleasure.

[01:00:29] Tricia Huffman: You're so welcome. Thanks for having me.

[01:00:32] Nathan Maingard: Thanks again to Trisha for joining us on this episode of the We Are Already Free podcast. Please find links to all of trisha's wonderful offerings by visiting the show notes in your podcast app or just going to alreadyfree. me now.

[01:00:46] I have something special to share with you, if you're one of those people, like if this feels relatable to you, that when you wake up often you feel groggy and it's a challenge to get out of bed, feeling that heaviness, and even you maybe hit the snooze button a few too many times and then get [01:01:00] on the phone and start the doom scrolling and maybe the work emails and it's like suddenly You're dragging yourself out of bed already feeling disempowered.

[01:01:07] And basically the problem with that is you've let external forces, you've let someone else's story affect your personal narrative, your personal power. And it's just obviously over the long term because how we spend our mornings is generally how we spend our days, how we spend our days is generally, well, how we spend our lives.

[01:01:24] So it's not really working over the long run. So, I really want you to imagine in this moment, waking up with purpose, with passion, with positivity, feeling aligned because you have a plan and you're focusing on your internal energy source generation. You know what they say is like, everything that fills your cup is for you, anything that overflows is for others.

[01:01:43] And how many of us, maybe you're one of them, are pouring from an empty cup, trying to do good in the world while we ourselves are thirsty and dry. This is why it's so important to set up a solid morning practice for yourself, a morning routine.

[01:01:56] where you choose those first moments, those first few minutes. [01:02:00] What is it that you prioritize? And I know maybe you've tried and you've failed before. And honestly, it's probably because you started too big or you didn't actually customize it to your unique needs, which is why I have created the five day morning practice challenge.

[01:02:14] It's customizable for you. It gives various options of good, different morning practices. It helps to overcome some of those reasons why people are, I don't have the time. I'm not an early riser. don't know which practice to do. The things I did didn't work for me. It's really designed so that whatever your personal unique needs are, it covers for those.

[01:02:32] I'll take you through different beautiful practices that you can choose. I've got guided videos, downloadable worksheets, making it as accessible and easy as possible. And it only takes a few minutes a day to complete. So if that feels good for you, If you're feeling like having some guidance to really transforming the way that you show up in the world, the way that you experience your life, so you fill your cup first, and then you have something to overflow, something to offer others.

[01:02:56] If that feels good to you, then you can begin your morning practice now by [01:03:00] going to alreadyfree. me slash yes, or just click the link that you'll find in the show notes on your podcast app.

[01:03:06] And that, my dear listener, is the end of today's episode. Thank you so much for your patience. I know that I have not released some in a while. If you're still listening to this, you are one of the very rare few, and I know that you're dedicated and committed as much as I am to this. So the good news is I should now be back in the flow.

[01:03:23] We'll have more consistent episodes, probably every week, maybe every second week, but over time it's just going to start this beautiful engine flowing. I've got great episodes recorded. We've got a good vibe flowing. And as you'll notice, I have now set up this beautiful five day morning practice challenge, which is something that I set up actually a while ago, but I'm really reactivating and seeing like, how can I just continue to serve those who are remembering that we are already free together.

[01:03:50] So thank you so much for your patience. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being with me. It's incredibly vulnerable. I actually felt. I think a piece of my old insecurity coming up where I thought I should do [01:04:00] an episode just to justify and tell everyone, you know, why haven't I done any episodes? Why has this happened?

[01:04:04] Why is that? And I thought, no, just put the stuff out there. The people who need it will hear it. The rest, you know, I can't control everyone out there. Sometimes I wish I could, but that's not how it works. It's all about turning it inward. As you know, realizing that I am already free, that I want to support other people and remembering that we are already free.

[01:04:23] So I hope that you've enjoyed this as much as I have, um, really been great to get back on the horse, as they say. And for now, I'm going to go out and take a little break in the afternoon sunshine before I sit down with one of my lovely one to one clients. So what a blessing this life is. Yes, if you're feeling the call, go to alreadyfree.

[01:04:40] me slash yes, get started with the five day morning practice challenge. And I will be back very soon with another episode of the podcast. And until then, remember, please, as we all do as we unfold in this remembering that we are already free.


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