[00:00:38] Nathan Maingard: Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the challenges of balancing your work, creativity, and personal life? I know that I do, and if you're looking for inspiration to connect with your true self and find the strength to embrace vulnerability or. Maybe even that you found that substances have become a part of your life in a way that is taking more than it gives.

[00:00:58] Well, in today's episode, we are joined by Christopher Scott, a talented tattoo and visual artist, a loving husband and a dedicated father who shares his journey of self-discovery and the deep darkness he has had to navigate to grow into his authentic expression as a father, husband and creator. His mission is to awaken to his true self through the exploration of art, and in turn be a reflection to others.

[00:01:23] He is dedicated to being here for the full experience that Spirit has to offer, whatever that may look like.

[00:01:29] Welcome to We Are Already Free, the podcast Empowering Down to Earth seekers to liberate themselves from limitations and create a life aligned with who they really are. I'm Nathan Maingard, breathwork facilitator, transformational Guide, empowering wordsmith, and your host, bringing you authentic conversations with inspiring pioneers who break the boxes of societal norms simply by living their rooted truth.

[00:01:56] Together, let's shake off limiting beliefs and embrace the freedom within so you can transform your life and deeply connect with yourself and the world.

[00:02:04] In this episode, we explore why it's been so empowering for Christopher to stop smoking cannabis after 22 years. Why it's critical to embrace vulnerability and how it can unlock personal growth and self-awareness in your life.

[00:02:19] How Christopher's experience with psychedelics like Bufo, psilocybin, et cetera, have helped him let go and connect with his true self. You'll gain insights into the challenges of balancing work, creativity, and family life, and how Chris manages the sometimes feelings of guilt that he has when he's struggling to create while others are depending on him to, to make money out of his creations.

[00:02:42] Near the end, Chris shares a powerful healing art modality he's created to help people transform old patterns and liberate themselves.

[00:02:52] Please join us on this deeply vulnerable and humbly human deep dive into the life of a provider, creator, and introspective man. I hope this episode inspires you to tap into your own power, creativity, and vulnerability as you navigate your unique path.

[00:03:08] A huge thank you to my sponsor for this episode, Zencaster, the ultimate web-based podcasting solution. I've saved countless hours since I moved over to their platform. If you're thinking about starting a podcast or already have a podcast, but maybe struggle with the time and the technicalities of getting good recordings, I personally recommend Zencaster. Zencastr's Modern podcasting stack allows you to do everything you need for your podcast from record to publish in one place.

[00:03:38] I particularly love how it allows me to record in the best quality, even though the internet connection in my off-grid solar powered studio is not the most stable. It records tracks locally and then it uploads them for maximum backup and safety. If you've ever lost a recording, you know how much it sucks when that happens.

[00:03:56] So thank you Zencaster for solving that problem for me. Their automatic post-production save me hours of work and makes me and the guests sound amazing. Go to zencaster.com. That's zencastr.com/pricing. And use my code, WEAREALREADYFREE and you'll get 30% off your first three months of Zencaster Professional.

[00:04:20] I want you to have the same easy experiences I do for all my podcasting and content needs. It's time to share your story.

[00:04:27] Now, please enjoy this community supported, conversation with Christopher Scott. And I'll just say one more thing, which is that we cover some pretty heavy content within here. Christopher was terribly beaten when he was 16 years old. So if you're feeling a bit fragile at the moment, Maybe find a way to just regulate your nervous system, calm yourself down before you listen.

[00:04:47] But just know that overall, the story and it's part of the greater healing that Christopher has experienced, and it's also in service to the greater healing, healing that we all have the opportunity to experience. So with that being said, please enjoy this, this episode, and thanks again to Christopher for being willing to come on and be so vulnerable.

[00:05:06] Well, yeah. Thank you for reaching out by the way and for, for coming on. It's just such a pleasure to, to connect with you across the world.

[00:05:12] Christopher Scott: Yeah, I don't, listen to many podcasts anymore over the last two years. Like everything's been so fear-based. And so I've had to let a lot go with what I, I intake, mentally, and when I found your podcast, and like I said, I don't even remember how I found it. and I, I listened to the Lady Frog One and I didn't even know it was about Kambo.

[00:05:32] I've never done Kambo, although, although I know a lot of people who have, and even though I'd never done Kambo, that conversation was so beautiful. So beautiful. And I, and so, yeah. I really appreciate what you're doing.

[00:05:45] Nathan Maingard: Ah, thanks brother. That means a lot. And yeah, Sara is an amazing human. I've met her relatively recently and she's been a great guide and support for me. I think I mentioned in that episode where, I spent, I've spent a lot of my life feeling very weak in many ways, and, and I've been really embodying more and more warrior and king energy.

[00:06:06] And it's still something that I'm, yeah, I'm very scared of. I don't exactly know what it means to fully be a king and a warrior. and so when I was so scared of going into that Kambo session with her, and she looked at me and she, her expression was so sweet. She's just like, you're a warrior brother.

[00:06:19] Like you, you've got this. And I was like, oh yeah, I think I do. And that was lovely. So yeah, thanks for that reminder about that one.

[00:06:26] Christopher Scott: Yeah. And I think the big thing too is just, you mentioned it in one of your episodes, but just,the circles there'll be like the, the healthy eating circle and the meditation circle, and then the kind of like, free, free circle. I don't know what to call it, like not, not trusting the government and those circles rarely align.

[00:06:46] They're always kind of these free floating groups, and I feel like with your podcasts, it kind of was beautiful to see all those kind of come together, like the Venn diagram.

[00:06:56] Nathan Maingard: Ah, thanks. I love that. I love that diagram of like, how all the different parts meet and create something more powerful in the middle. It's really beautiful. Yeah, I love that. Well, thanks again. I appreciate it. I mean, I, I'd love to kind of, the first question I really want to dive into is around, you mentioned something previously in, in one of the exchanges around darkness and trauma.

[00:07:17] And I, I, if you're open to it, I know it's like a big place to start, but I feel like for almost all of us, if not all of us, that trauma and that darkness is the invitation that we have had to kind of become fully ourselves. So if you're open to it, please do share what that journey has been like for you, for anyone else who maybe is feeling currently kind of isolated and, and alone in their own darkness.

[00:07:46] Christopher Scott: I'd love to. I would not know where to start. I have to, I have to think. There's been so much in my life, and it's all been mostly self perpetuated, which is the funny thing. Right. and I think what's important with that, with me is with my platform and what I do I've, I've manifested my dream, right?

[00:08:04] I'm an artist. I, I live however I want. I don't have to answer to anybody other than my wife I think I get looked at a lot as having this perfect life and especially with social media and my large following, I think it's so easy to look at me and be like, ah, he has it all.

[00:08:20] And, and it's just been, I don't know if I, if I'm looked at like it's given to me or like, I just have this easy life because I have my dream career and a beautiful wife and beautiful children. We're all healthy and I have all these wonderful things, but that hasn't come without a lot of darkness and a lot of trauma.

[00:08:41] I've been addicted to drugs multiple times opiates, I've come off very heavy drug addictions. I, I had an instance where I was almost beaten to death when I was 16 and went through some very heavy trauma with that physical trauma. I've been divorced twice. This is my third marriage. I have a son that I am not allowed to see at the moment, so I, I mean, it's hard to know where to even start. I've, I've, I've gone through a lot in my life and like I said, a lot of it's self perpetuated. I chose to take drugs. I chose to not, be a great partner. so I, I guess it's everything.

[00:09:18] Darkness is every, it's given me everything, but it's looking at it as an, as an ally, which has been, has been the quest, right? To not push it away and to not think, oh woe is me and, and all these things. I've, I've had many bouts of depression. I just got through one this winter with all the work I've done and all the spiritual work I've done.

[00:09:38] I think that's a big thing too, is just allowing that darkness to be and not pushing it away. And it's something I just, I just dealt with recently,very recently with, With choosing to, to not take, or consume cannabis anymore. I think I mentioned that to you as a 22 year relationship with cannabis.

[00:09:58] And I, I love it. And I've been very open about not using it anymore, my social media platform, and had this beautiful response, this overwhelming response from, from people that follow me or people that, I, I know in the art community, which was, was interesting cuz I didn't really expect that it's, it's such a prevalent thing in our society and it's, basically I, I wanted to quit cannabis for a long time.

[00:10:23] I've come,out of two opiate addictions it's been 10 years and those were so difficult. And then I'm like, why can't I quit cannabis? They say it's not addictive. They said all this stuff that should be the easy one. And it was harder for me, 10 times harder than quitting opiates.

[00:10:40] And I think it's just because, I really looked at it and cannabis was like my warm fuzzy jacket. That's what I, I figured out it was, it was a thing that just let me feel warm and good inside and kind of be internalized and, and not really face a lot of stuff. and I wanted to quit so bad and I, I, I mentioned I had a, a recent bufo experience, right?

[00:11:01] And that was, I really let go and, and asked Bufo to do what it needed to do. But my one request was to help me quit cannabis. And this was in November, so it's only been about three or four months. and I went right back to smoking cannabis. So I was kind of like, ah, it didn't help me, and then, a couple weeks ago, like maybe three, four weeks ago, I got to such a dark place mentally.

[00:11:26] I was microdosed. There's a, a new kind of thing where it's, like psilocybin that they inoculate with 5meoDMT and it changes into a new compound, which is basically edible 5meoDMT that you can microdose. So I was microdosing that every day for two months, just on this like huge spiritual high.

[00:11:46] And then it got really dark, really, really dark mentally. And that was my invitation to quit. I, I was, smoking a bunch of weed one night and sitting in bed and things got so dark and it was just like finally my, my call to stop and it shook me to the roots of my being. And that's what it took.

[00:12:10] And so it, it was the last couple weeks have been this wrestling with. with that darkness. And the first week was just pushing it away and pushing it away, and like, why am I having these thoughts? And, and then it was really just, accepting it and loving it and looking at it like an ally and, and really thanking it.

[00:12:30] And, it's a struggle.

[00:12:31] Nathan Maingard: Yeah, I think that's such a, I mean, I, I think I mentioned to you, I'm growing a cannabis plant for the first time. I don't know, since I was, I don't know, many, many, many years, like maybe since I was sort of 18 or 19, and I'm 39 now, so I. Because what's happened to me is for the, since I was about 20 years old, every time I've smoked, I just feel terrified.

[00:12:56] And what I noticed is that since I started working more deeply with things like transformational breathwork practices or other plant medicines or any of these kind of, or even ice baths, like the stuff that comes up in those situations is the same stuff that the cannabis was bringing up. And, and then also speaking with friends and with other people and coming to understand as with everything, these entities, these beings, these medicines are, have spirit, have, have kind of personality in a way.

[00:13:23] And my understanding as is that cannabis is very feminine. She's like the, the sort of, whereas Ayahuasca is like the mother and San Pedro is like the grandfather and tobacco is the, the masculine energy. And then cannabis is like that feminine creative force. And she's both very helpful in creativity but also very selfish and, and, she wants, she wants you to just keep coming back.

[00:13:47] And so I am having this experience now of where I was given a plant and I was like, okay, well maybe this is a thing cuz I'm struggling at the moment. I have been for a while with my creativity, with my songwriting, my poetry writing, something that has been a part of my life since I was well, but pretty much forever.

[00:14:04] and I feel like I've been so action oriented in a way that I've, I'm struggling to just connect with the creative force of the universe. And so I'm growing this plant with the intention of specifically working with that medicine to be, to help me to like remember and, and I'm terrified because it's, she, what she does is she just shows me my la where I'm out of sync basically, where I'm out of presence.

[00:14:28] And I find it so interesting that then it can become, as with anything, the poison, the medicine can become poison. And so for so many cannabis is actually an escape. Whereas that experience, Whenever I've smoked, there's been like full confrontation, which I just wasn't ready for. So I don't know what you think about that, but yeah, it's an interesting, we're coming at it from opposite ends in this moment.

[00:14:50] Christopher Scott: Yes, I think a lot about that. my wife stays at home and homeschools our two young children, and we have a third child on the way in June.

[00:14:59] And Thank you. Thank you. And so, quitting cannabis was terrifying for me. I, I'm an artist and my entire family depends on me being creative. And there's some days where I don't feel creative.

[00:15:16] And, so that was a huge part of quitting. That was, that was the big terrifying thing, was that I'm not gonna be creative anymore and I'm gonna have to go get a job at Home Depot or whatever but I found the opposite happening. I feel more creative. I feel like it's, it hasn't waned in any way.

[00:15:33] and that, that was a big realization for me too, that was so frustrating and beautiful as my wife had a time in her life a couple years ago where she was at a crossroads and I said what do you need? And she looked at me and immediately said, I want to go do Ayahuasca in South America. So, I was very supportive and watched our child that we only had one at the time, and she went and did it, and she came back with that same, same knowledge.

[00:15:57] She told me,that they had, they had taught her that Ayahuasca is the grandmother, and cannabis was like this. Young it's like, it's Mary Jane, right? It's this young, beautiful, sticky, spirit, and I had never looked at it like that before, but it just was instant truth, it just hit me right, right in the center. And, I also was going to an herbalist. another part of the darkness, right? As I've, I went through this whole like, GI issues, this gut health stuff the last three or four years, and was just in like, I lost I'm already very thin and I lost almost 20 pounds and was feeling like I was about to die.

[00:16:32] And so I was trying to figure out my gut health. And I went to this just beautiful, beautiful herbalist lady that worked, in conjunction with our midwives. We had a home birth And I talked to her and she, she said, yeah, when I married my husband, I knew that I, I was marrying him, but then he's in love with cannabis and that's always gonna be his main love.

[00:16:50] And I just accepted that. And she told me, I don't think you need to stop smoking cannabis for your gut, but she said, if you do, your relationship with your wife will blossom. because she is this just young, sticky thing. And, and when I speak about cannabis, I'm not speaking in a, a negative way, I love it. I've always loved it. I think it's, it's beautiful and has supported me through so much in my life. but I think that's, that's, I, I hate to use the word problem or issue, but I think that's the thing that we need to face as the, entheogenic community or spiritual community is how it's being used. anything that's put in a vape cartridge, I think there's, there's a problem when it's put in a vape cartridge like D M T and a vape cartridge. it's a spirit and I think,uh, it's been so lost. I think it's so funny that I used cannabis for 20 years until I was like, oh, it's a spirit. And I think, you using ice bath, I, I'm on the same thing every shower I take, end it with the cold shower I have a horse trough out front that I use to take ice bath in. And I think that's,uh, the very potent that I think you can get a lot of that same creative energy from, from other sources But, last year I took my first three days off of cannabis for 22 years. Last year I really tried, I went isolated myself in like a yurt with no cell phone reception. I didn't bring anything, but, I was reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy at the time. So I brought Lord of the Rings and a fishing pole, and that's all I did for three or four days.

[00:18:16] And I just, I didn't bring any tobacco or anything to try to mitigate the addiction. I just went out and took three or four days and then smoking just one hit of cannabis after that was so powerful. And I was at my, my art studio and just, I, I was like looking at some art sober and then smoked cannabis and looked at the same piece of art.

[00:18:42] and I, yeah, it's hard to describe, but it's almost, I don't know if you remember those, those pieces of art, cuz I'm 38, so probably similar to when we were younger that you could kind of stare at and they would show a different image. It was like that. I just saw all this stuff in the same image that I'd just been looking at that I had not seen a moment before and it, it felt really

[00:19:03] powerful.

[00:19:05] Nathan Maingard: Yeah, I guess that's the thing. Set setting context, it all matters. And, I don't know if this is a. A limitation on my part. But whenever I see this, the society at large recommending something, I start to get worried. And I see the way that, like cannabis is being touted right now, but it's not like, like when I used to smoke as a young teenager or as a teenager, it was stuff grown either in friends gardens or in South Africa.

[00:19:31] Like very mellow, very mellow weed. Like it was, it was gentle. It was kind. And then when I first went to England, that's kind of when I stopped, was when I was 20 and I smoked a joint there of something called like white Rhino. And the guy who gave it to me was like, dude, this stuff's not like your South African weed.

[00:19:46] And I, and I was all, ah, whatever man. I've been smoking for years and I rolled myself a joint to that and had a full-blown panic attack and kind of like, it was never the same after. And so I worry, and I actually have a, a story, my first ever guest on this podcast, Tara Couture of, of slowdown farmstead, she has a, A really heartbreaking story of her, her daughter, who she lost quite recently to like cannabis psychosis from, I believe it was from vapes, though, that was a while ago we had that conversation. But I certainly recommend anyone who is interested in sort of medicine is just be wary of the source of the medicine, be wary of the intention. Like those are important things. So I'm, I'm really hearing you honoring that and finding a way to be more in alignment with, with life and the way you wanna live your life.

[00:20:34] Christopher Scott: And I feel like that's where I was getting, I've ne I haven't heard that term. or that idea of the cannabis psychosis, but that's where I was getting, I was, I was this close, and it's so funny that you say that about, I've been making that, that kind of joke, not as a joke, but as a reality the last few weeks is anything the government tells me I can do, I don't wanna do anymore.

[00:20:57] And it's like so funny that now psychedelics are becoming legal. And then it, like I've, I've been doing copious amounts of, of psychedelics since I was 16 years old. Now that I'm 38 and they're like, oh, here you go. You can do it. I don't wanna do it anymore.

[00:21:13] it's so funny how that goes.

[00:21:15] Yeah.

[00:21:16] Nathan Maingard: Yeah, well, there's that, the, the source is important. I, actually one of the guests coming up is someone who supports the Huni Kuin from the Amazon in coming to South Africa on a sort of yearly basis and, and they are impeccable in their medicine and their ayahuasca and their other, the, all the medicines from the forest that they use and that they share, I mean, it's such a holy experience.

[00:21:38] And they're human and they're like all we're all just having this human experience together and it is impeccable and more and more here in South Africa, I'm just hearing horror stories of people who are getting traumatized at medicine ceremonies and who are just terrible stuff. And so like a, as this now people are like, Ooh, there's something that can fix everything.

[00:21:57] If I just like, get on, this is the thing I've been hoping for. And it's like, I feel like the invitation there is find your center, find lineage, find good source, that's Really critical.

[00:22:09] Christopher Scott: Yeah. And I, I just, tattooed a gentleman this last weekend who kind of turned me in onto this, this new thing with, with, like stomach health too and cannabis. And he was explaining how cannabis is this perfect plant to take heavy metals out of the soil, and then it sucks up all the heavy metals, which is amazing for the soil.

[00:22:33] But then where do the heavy metals go when it's used? They go into our body and one of the things I've been experiencing the last few years is, is. , all these symptoms of heavy metal poisoning. But I was like, where am I getting that from? And I would do heavy metal detoxes and heavy metal detoxes and nothing would get better.

[00:22:51] now it all makes sense.

[00:22:52] Nathan Maingard: thank you for sharing. I think this is of value to anyone who has been, cuz so many have used cannabis as like, oh, well I don't drink, I smoke weed. And that's way more mellowed and Yeah, it is. And , there's always context. So I, if it's okay, I want to, I want to kind of like hone back in, you talked about some of these traumas that you experienced and you, you said how the drugs I did to myself, I chose it.

[00:23:16] And then you also mentioned that you were nearly beaten to death when you were 16. and that's something that would've been outside of your control. And so what immediately comes up, and it keeps coming up as we're talking, is what, if you're open to sharing, what does it feel like to go through something where control is completely revoked from you?

[00:23:34] And then how did you, or how do you sort of take control back? Or how do you, how do you rediscover your power after something like that?

[00:23:42] Christopher Scott: Well, I look at it in two ways. It was outta my control, but it was also in my control. I chose to go to a party where things like that happen. I went to the party and the host was very intoxicated already and was being very confrontational with people. And I saw that and I could have left.

[00:24:03] he came up and purposely tried to pick a fight with me because he had four football player friends that were waiting to beat the shit outta somebody. That was kind of their, their agenda for the evening. And I could have, I could have done some things to prevent that from happening and I tried my best and, the final straw was him spitting in my, he hawked a big luie and spitted right in my face. And that's where I lost control and punched him. He was a very small guy he kind of looked like straight out of a movie, like a cartoon he just like broke his glasses and flew across the table.

[00:24:43] And it's not because I'm some big strong dude, but he was like this tiny little drunk guy. And he, he just looks at me with these broken glasses and he gets this huge grin on his face and goes to the other room. And, one of the young ladies there said, you better get the fuck outta here. She said, he has four guys I was 16 and he had four probably 19 to 25 year old friends from the university, huge football players that she's like, they'd been waiting to sh beat the shit outta somebody all night.

[00:25:14] So I left I walked out the door and I, I saw them following me and I turned around and they just started beating the shit outta me, and I was on the ground and just went into fetal position. And they were just stomping me and stomping me, and I saw stars, I shit myself I, I blacked out and then I just remember them stopping and me crawling out.

[00:25:36] I felt like I was crawling out of like a womb, like this black darkness pit. And I just ran to my I was with,some girl at the time and we ran to her car and I had been holding two bottles of,Corona that I had brought that smashed in my hand. So I have still like a huge scar in my hand.

[00:25:53] I was bleeding my pants full of shit. And, I later learned that the only reason they stopped stomping me was because I had a friend there that everyone always thought that we were twins. So my friend had walked up and been like, Hey, what's going on? They thought it was me and that I had stood up and started beating the shit outta him, and that gave me enough time to crawl out. And I went home and got in the shower and cleaned everything off me. And my hand was just bleeding, bleeding, bleeding. And I called my parents and I was, I was so scared of all the repercussions of, of calling the police like I'm, I didn't think that was gonna solve anything, and so I kind of made up a lie and I was like, oh, I was out skateboarding that was my whole life before, before what I do now is skateboarding. So I was like, oh, skateboarding. I fell, hit some glass and it cut me, and so my dad took me to the ER to get stitches and they had to like, take my shirt off cause I had blood on it or something.

[00:26:53] I don't, I don't remember why, but they noticed I, I had bruises all over my body. And the doctor said, Hey, like, what, what's like, what really happened? And I said, oh, me and my brother were just wrestling the other day. And he is like, these are obviously fresh. Like what happened? and I couldn't, I couldn't bring it to ever tell my parents or the doctor what happened.

[00:27:16] I just kept lying. I was so worried about the repercussions of, of, I didn't think it would solve anything, and the repercussions of, of doing that, and, I, I actually recently just told my parents about that story at 38 almost 20, 20 plus years later, and they had no idea.

[00:27:35] and so yeah, that was the experience. And reclaiming it. I joined martial arts. but, but I don't, I don't think I, tried, I think cannabis, I, it was another thing. I don't think I, I intentionally used it for that reason, but I think now that I'm not using it, I look back and that's, I think I just pushed it away for so long.

[00:27:56] And so this is another huge conversation, but I, I recently have just come. Come up with this energetic art integration. Right? And I came up with it after my Bufo experience, which we could talk about or we could not, cuz I could talk about it for the next two hours, . But after my Bufo experience, I went with a group of 11 other people.

[00:28:19] They chose me to go first. And I know comparing your experience to everyone else's fruitless, but my bufo experience was physically like outwardly, physically so different from the other 11 people. And the ele other 11 people, their experience matched up. It was either rolling around on the ground, crying, screaming, or just laying there.

[00:28:40] So all of theirs kind of matched up. And then mine was so, so different that I was like, what the fuck happened to me? And nobody in the group that I was with had the experience to help me through that. and I don't wanna make any judgements or assumptions as to why. but I ha I kept searching for different, integration coaches to help me figure out what the fuck happened and why was my experience so different.

[00:29:09] And so as an artist, I was like, I need to do art. So I made a couple paintings, to kind of channel what happened to me. And through that, I came up with this energetic art integration. I shouldn't say I came up with it, it was given to me. It was very much like this gift that was just given to me. so anyway, I, I made those paintings, came up with the art integration, and then I kind of put it out to a small following of mine.

[00:29:35] I have a newsletter. I put it out to them with the idea of making like a small book. so I gave them the art integration protocol and said, Hey, use this. At first, I was gonna facilitate it, but I don't ever wanna be looked at as somebody who has the answers, right? Because like we've been talking about with the darkness, like we all have it.

[00:29:54] Like there's nobody who's the guru, and I feel like with my career and what I do, I already have the ability to be looked at like that, which is the farthest thing from what I want. So I found a way for people to do it on their own, which I think is way more powerful and gives them way more openness.

[00:30:11] They, they're not with somebody who they feel might judge them, they can just let go. So I put out this art protocol with the idea of making a book with this art integration. and then I realized after I put it out that I had never done it step by step. Like I had done it subconsciously for the bufo experience, but after I made the protocol, I had never sat down and done it step by step how I laid it out.

[00:30:35] and the, the experience I chose to do it with was the one we're speaking of, where I got beat almost to death. And I think that's how I finally have regained the power of, of that. And, and what I lost was through art and through this energetic integration protocol that I was given.

[00:30:54] Nathan Maingard: Yeah. It takes the time. It takes. And thank you so much for sharing, brother. I just feel, I actually feel very emotional, just f hearing you and feeling that story and Yeah, it's rough man. It's so hard Sometimes the things that happen and the things we go through. And then, and then I hear like the light that comes through and I, I'm curious if you're open to sharing more around what it, like, what does it look like in as much detail obviously not two hours worth, but I'd love to hear what is this process and how, and then also how someone listening can access it, cuz I'm sure that, and I invite anyone listening right now, go and I'll definitely share links to your work and your, your page and everything you do. Cuz your art is like, I mean, fucking literally mind blowing . Like, so I would love to hear like this process and, and just for, for anyone listening, so it can be of service to them as well.

[00:31:47] Christopher Scott: So it draws a lot. And, and again, these weren't thoughts in my mind, but they were things that I had gathered subconsciously through Carl Jung and through, I don't know if you're familiar, Jonah Roski. but really just. Bypassing the consciousness and getting to the subconscious, right?

[00:32:02] And dealing with symbols. I feel like with what I do, I am very in tune with symbolism, and that's what the unconscious works with, right? It doesn't work with words, it doesn't necessarily work with, with things that we understand, right? It's symbolic. And so the process that I, I kind of came up with or was given, I have people kind of sit down, imagine a color or, or I guess it begins with an experience, right?

[00:32:27] So you have to choose an experience, kind of get into a meditative state, bring up that experience as fully as possible or as fully as you're comfortable getting into, and then choosing a color, choosing a medium, kind of coming up with symbols that are powerful or, meaningful to that experience.

[00:32:46] And then I have people basically create a piece of artwork using that color or colors and symbols. And then, the, the big thing after that is destroying it, right? So they have to burn it or bury it, or they can choose, they can float it down the river. But I think it's just using symbols and color to kind of speak to your unconscious and then letting it go and giving it back to the mystery

[00:33:13] it's kind of owning it, but also realizing that you don't own it.

[00:33:18] Nathan Maingard: Have you heard of Sin Eaters by any chance?

[00:33:21] Christopher Scott: I have not.

[00:33:23] Nathan Maingard: I think you're gonna really enjoy this, this story. I'll share a link to the book as well in the show notes, but I can't remember the exact name. Last conf confessions of the last sin eater. And it's basically a, it's a true story. It's written about a, a believe a Welsh or some kind of Celtic tradition where there was a medicine person who was called the sin eater, and they've died.

[00:33:42] It's kind of died out now as so many of these beautiful traditions have. But what one of their roles, they would generally live somewhere outside of the village and people would come to them obviously for medicine work, for healing, for counsel, et cetera. But then like their, the sort of primary role was that when there was a funeral, people would place food, like a piece of bread or cake on or beside the body throughout.

[00:34:05] And then at some point in the proceedings, the sin eater would come in and would eat that piece of food that had absorbed all the unresolved sins of the person who died. And then the sin eater would go out and dig a hole in the ground and would purge into the earth. So to take that unprocessed energy to neutralize it and return it.

[00:34:26] Which when you spoke that process to me that's, that was the whole, it just came up as like, that's what it's doing. And, and just to acknowledge for myself, the root of the meaning of the word sin is to miss the point. So that was the original meaning of that word. And so for any of us who are missing the point in whatever areas, that that's an opportunity to, to return that and to neutralize

[00:34:51] Christopher Scott: Hmm

[00:34:51] Nathan Maingard: the, in the power of the earth where she can, she can neutralize it all.

[00:34:54] So I don't know how, how that

[00:34:55] Christopher Scott: hmm.

[00:34:56] Nathan Maingard: for you, but.

[00:34:57] Christopher Scott: It's, it's so beautiful. Yes. I have a lot of thoughts about it. I, it's funny, with each one of these talking points, I could go so many ways. I ha I have a, a now, a now seven year old who is like a 15 year old mentally trapped in a seven year old's body. He's just the most. Brilliant child, and I've always called my children the little gurus, right?

[00:35:17] Because they're this perfect reflection of you and you see this thing getting, getting programmed. and when he was six, he asked me, dad, what is sin? because I was raised in a Christian home and had my own journey, that, that again, is a whole podcast worth of speaking. but I have my thoughts about Christianity and we have Bibles in our home.

[00:35:39] We, I let my mom do bible class with him, but I, I tell him my thoughts I'm definitely more of like the Christian mystic path, if, if anything. And so one day, anyway, he asked me, dad, what is sin? And I just was given an answer that wasn't my own. And I remember hearing the original Greek meeting was missing the mark.

[00:36:03] And so I told him, I think it's when you don't live up to your full potential in any situation, and that doesn't mean you're going to hell, and that doesn't mean you need to be punished, but it strictly means that you missed the mark and you did not live up to your full potential. And then, and then I got to meditate on that after I gave him the answer.

[00:36:23] Right,

[00:36:24] Nathan Maingard: Yeah. . He like, oh shit.

[00:36:28] Christopher Scott: So I think that's beautiful and it's very pertinent to my career also, because another thing when all this happened, this, this recent darkness it very felt like a, a very much felt like a spiritual attack was being placed upon me. And I was kind of looking at all these things like, where's this outside darkness coming from?

[00:36:48] And I don't necessarily think that anymore. I think there's lots of facets to, to this, but it really made me. Think about and meditate on where I'm letting energy into my life. And one of the things that I had kind of thought about but never thought about was my career as, as a tattoo artist and an artist.

[00:37:13] And the people that I tattoo lot of times come to me with a lot of heavy energy. And I think that's one aspect of my career that I was not fully, like when I tattooed someone and then afterwards I wasn't closing that space and I was allowing that energy to just still be in me. And I've thought a lot about over the years like the, the shamonic aspects of tattooing.

[00:37:38] And it used to be done by, by the local shaman he's, he or she was the one who who did the tattooing, right? And it was the same person who did all the healing. And I've looked at my career like that for the last. Maybe seven years, but I still never had the introspection to close that space after that session, and I think I was still, coming home with a lot of that energy in me. So it's something that I'm, I'm now being conscious of as of recently.

[00:38:05] Nathan Maingard: would you speak a bit more to that, that idea of people coming to you obviously with their heaviness, and then is it that the tattoos are often connected to some kind of a, I suppose like a, them wanting to walk through a doorway into a different self and that the tattoo can represent that? And I'm sure there's lots of different ways that it happens, but I'm just very curious about this sort of this concept or this feeling of, of a tattoo artist potentially as a medicine person and how, yeah, just explore that a little more.

[00:38:36] Christopher Scott: It's kind of half, half. Some people will come to me with this big grand idea or thing that they want to kind of integrate or, or explore. some people, and this is not just com, is common with every artist someone will come with, a whole arm full of self-harm and they wanna,cover it, and the tattoo is, literally and not literally transformational on, on so many levels. It's physically transformational and internally transformational. And then a lot of people just come to me and they're like, Hey, I want this super crazy looking tattoo because I love your art. Or I like to do L S D or whatever.

[00:39:13] But it, it just goes back to the unconscious and symbolism, right? Like I thought about a lot, like, for so long people are like, I just don't go into a tattoo shop and pick something off the wall or whatever. Like that's dumb. Like my tattoo has to have meaning, but you don't just go and pick something off the wall.

[00:39:28] your subconscious is pulled towards a symbol for a very specific reason. And I think it's been so interesting, whether it's someone picking something off the wall or something, someone coming to me and just being like, Hey, do whatever you want, which I don't do. I, I definitely will sit down and have a process with them and figure something out.

[00:39:46] But no matter how they're approaching it, whether they realize it or not, they're approaching it for a reason. So I think one beautiful thing that I've noticed is someone getting something just to get something and then some extended amount of time afterwards, them realizing, oh, shit, I know why I got this.

[00:40:03] Or the tattoos speaking to them in some incredible way. Or same with me. Like, I'll design something for somebody and then as I'm tattooing it, or after I'm tattooing it, I'll sit there and break down the symbolism in it and be like, oh my God. and it's just, it's been so powerful. And instances where people they're like, oh, I love this tattoo you drew.

[00:40:23] And then we're putting it on, and then we start breaking down the symbolism and it has this just intense connection to something deep within them, and I think that's, again, you can approach tattooing a thousand different ways, just like you can anything. And I don't think any of 'em are wrong, but I think it's so powerful to recognize that you're speaking with symbols.

[00:40:44] Nathan Maingard: Dude, I have so such tingles right now. I . I love that. I, I think, who was I chatting with recently? We were talking about something that was related to this, but this idea of symbolism and how and story really, but like that before we could write, before there was like written language symbols was the first way that we communicated that wasn't just spoken word.

[00:41:07] And so it's like one of our deepest and most core ways of, and actually it's the way, re way dreams work. I mean, so, so that's telling in and of itself, and often actually when I, when I look at your art and your work, I see dreams made into visible waking, translated

[00:41:25] Christopher Scott: And I think that's why, or, or I shouldn't say why, but one reason my career has been so successful is I learned to really focus within and not so much without. And it's so funny, I, I was just speaking with another artist this past weekend. I was at a big tattoo convention and she was showing me like her favorite image that I had ever made.

[00:41:47] And it was one that I made from a dream I had painted. A dream into a made a dream into a painting, and then someone had chosen that painting and asked them if they could get it tattooed, and I tattooed and it's been so bizarre and a beautiful way to tattoo these deep, deep things that come from within me, and that people want them on their body.

[00:42:10] And I'm like, this is a dream of mine. But I think that's why they resonate, right, is because it's, it's a collective thing. It's, it's something that's within all of us. And I think that's, that's one reason that, that my career has been successful is because it's, it's focused within Christopher, but not the little Christopher.

[00:42:31] Like the big I, the big we. And that's why it resonates, because it's, it's me exploring a human, and we're all human and we all deal with the same shit.

[00:42:44] Nathan Maingard: Yeah, I found that exactly. I, there's this piece, this thread that keeps coming up in this conversation, so I'm gonna speak to it and I don't exactly know where it's gonna go. I think the reason I'm even hesitating is cuz I feel a bit uncomfortable . but it's ba Yeah, exactly. It's like, ah, fuck bloody ice bath.

[00:43:01] okay, so, so basically like I've been I've been in love with lyrics since I was seven, eight years old, as long back as I can remember. And I've been writing songs since I was 14, 15. And I was a professional musician for 10 years and then had this huge dark night of the soul. Everything fell apart and now I'm transforming.

[00:43:20] And I, and I believe that and I know that what I'm transforming into and what I like now, having one-to-one coaching clients and working with people and just witnessing that through me being me, other people are enabled to be them. And it's actually just that simple and it's like an amazing thing. I was like, what is that really a thing?

[00:43:37] Like, that's so cool. And within that, as I expressed earlier, I'm not really writing much anymore at the moment. And there's a, there's a deep sadness about that and, and then also sometimes I like even hearing your stories. To, to speak with you. Who's a successful, and I say successful from a caretaker standpoint.

[00:43:55] Like you are caring for a family and your woman is at home with your kids. Like that, dude, that shit inspires the fuck outta me. And, and I'm not there yet and I never got there with my music. And there's a part of it like that. I'm still navigating of this feeling of not enoughness, where like where I see someone like yourself or like my friend Sam Garrett, or my friend Roaman or Jeremy Loops or like all these, these other specifically men who are literally doing art and are making good money doing that. I guess I'm just acknowledging a sadness in myself. And s and then I just before, cuz I really want to hear where you're gonna take this and I'm so excited for this reflection. And just to finish close it off, is that also I've just really transformed my, my offer, my coaching offer into something that I'm so excited about.

[00:44:44] And part of that offer is that I write someone their heart song at the end of our process together so that I take all that work that we do together and I craft that into the song that they can use to remind themselves who they really are, should they ever forget. I'm fucking excited about that. So I see how my, the art is still calling to blossom in this new direction.

[00:45:05] So just acknowledging all of that without denying any of it, and then dropping it in your court.

[00:45:11] Christopher Scott: Yeah. I mean, it's just the terrifying thing of being truthful to yourself and to others. Right. And it's something that's, that's so scary. But the more we do it, the easier it is and the more we open up. It's like,uh, it's like Christ on the cross, right? The more we're just open and, and just there for everybody to see love it or love it or hate it.

[00:45:36] And Covid the last two years, or three years or whatever, has been such a beautiful, process for me to do that, right? So it's I lost so many friends and, I had very specific feelings about things in the last two, three years, like everybody, but just being open with it, without judging other people has been the hardest thing, right?

[00:45:59] Like, here's how I feel and fucking love me or hate me for it, but I love you no matter how you feel about it. And it's that whole. It's so funny to keep coming back to Christianity because I don't necessarily identify as a Christian, right? But it's just the, all of Western civilization has been shaped by Christianity.

[00:46:19] I think the Bible's one of the most powerful occult knowledge books ever written. But it's like, it's like the perfect love of Christ, right? Like, Christ wasn't necessarily a nice person he loved everybody, but that doesn't mean you have to be nice or, or like everybody. so the last two, three years has felt like just this pressure cooker of, changing me into a diamond, right?

[00:46:43] the coal to a diamond. And it's like just being fully open with, with how we feel and like, take it or leave it, and, I think that's, that's just the hardest part. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. and being sober has made it even easier and not just like, kind of being high and, and negating things.

[00:47:05] it was very difficult after my bufo experience. I did not wanna make any art for almost two weeks. Not even a sketch on a piece of paper, not even like finger painting with my kids. And that was terrifying. Again, as someone whose whole family relies on them, relies on their art is terrifying, and it's somebody, I make art every single day or every other day, even if I'm not tattooing or not having to produce.

[00:47:32] It's something that I do because that's what I'm here to do. And so not making it for two weeks was absolutely terrifying. , but it was a beautiful lesson too, because it was okay and nothing bad happened from, from taking that time off. I got more time with my kids and enjoyed other things.

[00:47:53] And I think, it's also been, been a really difficult thing for me is, my wife, she kind of fought being a stay-at-home mom for quite a while, right? Like she had our first, or we had our first son, she birthed our first son and she wanted to go back to work. She tried to go back to work and she hated it and was super depressed about it.

[00:48:15] And also didn't really want to embrace being a stay-at-home mom for, for a lot of reasons that I won't get into because it's not her on the podcast and I dunno what she wants to share. But that was a big part of her going to do ayahuasca, is just figuring out what the fuck do I do with my life and what is my purpose?

[00:48:33] And when she came back, She said, one of, she said, I think Ayahuasca showed me that I, I should be a midwife. And so I was like, oh, cool. Like, that's amazing. Like, let's, let's follow that. And then we got pregnant with our daughter and she said, oh, ayahuasca is showing me how to birth our, our daughter gonna, I'm gonna cry talking about, it's so, so crazy.

[00:48:56] but that's really where she stepped into like her role as like a mom and like the power of being a mom and allowing me to provide and, and being okay with that and seeing that that doesn't diminish her power in any way. To have someone provide for our family, but gives her more power in her role to do what she wants to do, and to be a mom and to take care of our children and to support me and to be this.

[00:49:26] She just has this incredible intuition that I've denied so many times. And now like whenever she tells me something, as weird as it sounds, I'm like, yes, okay. Like she told me to quit. Not told me, but she suggested me quitting, quitting weed so many years ago. And I was like, that is absolutely insane. And same with my gut health. She, she suggested this diet that I was like, that is crazy. I'll never do it. And then 10 other people suggest the diet and then I'm like, oh shit. but really it's just leaning into that uncomfortable stuff, and, and that gives you so much power. And I forget yeah, I don't know where else to go with that. It's just really, cuz I'm so stuck on the thought of like, my wife being this beautiful mom now, but she just, she's such a powerful woman and it, it's been so beautiful to see, oh, I was going, I was going to, it's been really hard to not feel guilty when I don't create, because she works so hard at home. And now know, we have two kids, a seven and a three year old and another on the way, and she's been pregnant.

[00:50:29] And there's some days where I go to work or to my studio. I hate to even call it work, but I go to the studio and I don't even feel the drive to create so I'll go to the studio and like look at, at a book for an hour and then like walk circles around the studio for 10 minutes and then sit down and like meditate for 20 minutes and then kind of scribble and nothing comes out of it, right?

[00:50:53] I say nothing. There's always something that comes out of it, but you know what I mean? There's no. There's no tangible thing that I can make money that, that comes out of that process. And I'm like, oh, shit. She's at home fucking dealing with screaming kids and cleaning up shit all over the house. And so it's been this amount, this like immense amount of guilt that I've had to learn to transmute into, into the creative process and just letting it be, and she's so beautiful, like, through all that, like I've expressed that to her and she's like, I don't care.

[00:51:27] She's like, she gets it but it's, it's hard for me to get it, even though she's okay with it. It's hard for me to just be like, well, that's just what I did today. I walked circles around the studio and fucking danced in front of the mirror and whatever. And it's like, but something always comes from that.

[00:51:45] It's that letting go and letting go and letting go and letting. And that's like from getting almost beat to death or doing Bufo or 17 years old, taking 10 grams of psilocybin. It's just that ultimate letting go of everything that you just have to like people have asked me do I have a mantra when I take, psychedelics?

[00:52:07] And, uh, it's like letting go, just let go, let go, let go, let go. And that's every day.

[00:52:13] Nathan Maingard: Well, thank you so much. I, I, yeah. As, as Carly and I, my beloved and I are, are speaking of taking that next step to become parents. It's like, this is huge for me right now, and. Yeah, just really appreciate hearing from a father and a provider. So thank you for sharing. I'm gonna, I, I actually wanna dive deeper into the, the sort of Christian Christ element, cuz this is something I'm very passionate about.

[00:52:36] But I'm gonna save that for the, the patron only chat because I see our time's getting a little long here. And I want to, I wanna just ask you one more question for, for this chat. And, and thank you again for your time. So this is, when you hear the words, we are already free. What comes up for you?

[00:52:54] Christopher Scott: I immediately just think of Eckhart Toll and reading in his book that, is something about like, we're already sitting on this, this treasure, right? And we're sitting on the treasure box and it's already unlocked. I'm gonna get, it's not his exact quote, so I don't wanna quote him, but something along the lines, like, we're, we're sitting on the treasure and it's already unlocked.

[00:53:12] And there's all these people that are like, I have the key, I have the key. I have the key. But it's not, it's not the key. Like we already have the key. We don't even need a key because it's already unlocked. Right. And, and it's maybe something else that Ram Dass said, I found him long time ago. And it's like the, the gurus or the teachers that are just signposts and they're just pointing you to your own treasure.

[00:53:34] That's already, and they're, they are like they can be gurus, but there's no ultimate teacher because you are the teacher and we already are the teacher and we don't need anything else. And you can have gurus, you can have coaches, you can have tattoo artists or shamans, and they're all beautiful, but they're ultimately not the guru because you already are your own guru and you're already are free.

[00:53:59] Nathan Maingard: Thank you brother. I really appreciate your time and, and I look forward to diving into this next part cuz it's, yeah, I feel like we're gonna have a crazy conversation right now, so thanks again and blessings on the path.

[00:54:09] Christopher Scott: Thank you, Nathan. Thank you.

[00:54:11] Nathan Maingard: What a heart opening conversation with Christopher Scott. I'm super grateful for his openness and willingness to share his journey of self-discovery, vulnerability, trauma, and the pursuit of creativity. Thank you, Christopher. It's been an honor to have you on, brother. If you'd like to learn more about Christopher and connect with him, Be sure to check out the show notes for links to his Instagram and website, and if our conversation today resonated with you, but maybe you're feeling the weight of how do you balance work, creativity, family life, maybe you're seeking guidance on tapping into your own strength, your own truth, your own power.

[00:54:46] I'd love to chat with you personally. I invite you to visit the show notes at alreadyfree.me/31, just three one, where you'll find all the information you need to connect with me. I, there's a even a chat box in the corner. You can reach out. you'll even see when I'm live online and I would love to chat with you.

[00:55:04] Be an honor, to connect and see where you are. The show notes is also where you can access the bonus chat, where we dive deep into Christ, dreams about Jesus, symbolism, why people we don't like might be saints and heaps more. Links to that are, as always in the show notes. I'd love to continue this dialogue with you so that we can support each other in navigating the challenges and the joys of life as we strive to embrace and embody our true selves and express our creative passions.

[00:55:34] Remember, We are all in this together and we can learn so much from one another. I'm looking forward to chatting with you at alreadyfree.me/31. Until then, may you be inspired and live the remembrance that we are already free. I'll see you next week.